A Slow Dance With Reality
by chichitehahh
Summary: After a devastating death in the Fabray family (one covered up well by Mr. Fabray himself) Quinn's new turn of personality switches yet again, to a personality that can only be described as undead. Trigger Warning: Suicide. Faberry. (No Major Character Death).
1. My Darling Girl

Quinn had changed. For some time at least. For some time Quinn Fabray was showing a side of herself not many ever got to see. A side that was her, Quinn Fabray. Not Cheerio. Not Tubbers. Not Finn's girlfriend. But Quinn Fabray. And for some time Glee Club was proud of her. Not many voiced it, in fact Mr. Schuester and Rachel Berry had only shown any sign of pride in her change, but it was something, and for a while that was enough. But one phone call, one police investigation, hidden well by Russell Fabray as to keep their family name proud and happy, one letter changed it all; and pride just wasn't good enough anymore.

Quinn didn't want pride from her classmates. She didn't want the smiles people gave her when she walked in the room. She didn't even want friends anymore. She wanted her sister. She wanted Frannie. God she wanted Frannie.

In the days following her suicide, Quinn resorted back to what she knew. Sarcasm, teasing. Her words towards Rachel were short; she tried to keep them neutral. Rachel. Rachel was innocent, so pure, and so kind. If she ever….if Frannie was ever repeated, Quinn would be the next in line.

She didn't even know. She had no idea how much she'd miss her, how badly it'd hurt. All Quinn's life she'd been jealous of Frannie, all Quinn's life she'd wished to be her, she wished to have that life, go to a top notch school, have her own life away from daddy and mom. But now, now Quinn didn't even know if she knew what life Frannie actually had. She hadn't a clue apparently. She glorified Frannie, much like her own father. Quinn made this image of her sister, one that held her on a pedestal.

If only she knew. Jesus Christ if only she knew. She wouldn't have held her so high, wouldn't have thought so much of her. She would have seen her as equal. But every day something knew was thrown in Quinn's face. "You'll never guess what Frannie achieved this semester." "Oh what a wonderful new trophy," "Frannie won her third consecutive year in cross country." Every day the pedestal got higher. Every day Quinn grew more jealous. And every day she knew less and less about her own flesh and blood.

It was all a slap to the face. The day the letter came, the night Quinn couldn't cry, the morning she couldn't eat.

A letter.

One letter with just a few paragraphs on it. Just a letter and it made Quinn's entire world crash around her. 'My darling girl'. That's what Frannie called her. Her darling girl. Hers. Quinn was Frannie's and not once did Quinn ever call Frannie her sister. It was always Frannie. Never, 'My sister, Frannie,' 'The girl that I shared a room with until I was six, Frannie,' 'my older sister,' 'Frannie, my sister,'

My darling girl.

The words taunted her everyday. And to rid herself of this guilt, of the pain, of the anger and despair and every horrible feeling Quinn held inside her body, she lashed out. She forced her way back on the Cheerios, she scolded, she shouted, she threw fits. But she never bullied. She couldn't. The consequences were…she couldn't have a Frannie repeat. Not because of her. Not from her words.

Rachel Berry. She taunted Quinn almost as much as the opening sentence in that letter did. Every night Quinn had nightmares, ones with Rachel blaming her. Rachel always blamed Quinn every night for everything, and then, forced her to watch as she turned a gun to her own head.

And each morning Quinn would call off the slushie attack, she'd glare at Santana, she'd knee Karofsky where it hurt the most, and even agreed to a date with Azimo just to keep Rachel safe. Rachel had to stay safe. Dear God, please let today be easy for her.

The diva had begun to notice a little bit of the blonde's attention. Each day she'd catch those hazel green eyes on her in History, in Glee Quinn sat the same distance away. One row up and one chair over. Those eyes bore into her if anyone spoke to the diva too. If anyone dared to say something hurtful, dared to call her annoying, Quinn Fabray was right there, calling them out on a habit they had, calling them out on what a horrible person they could be. Slowly Rachel Berry became Quinn's life. The only reason she could find a reason to stay breathing.

Protect the girl. Protect her like she couldn't protect Frannie.

It'd never make up for it. It would never bring Frannie back but it would keep Rachel with her. Rachel would live to breathe the air for another day and that's all Quinn needed.

Weeks went on with this same routine, Quinn had almost gone up to stalker status, leaning against a wall, filing her nails, Finn eyeing her as he stood next to his girlfriend, Rachel confused and yet somehow comforted by the protective side coming out of the blonde. She hadn't questioned it yet; at the moment the only portion Rachel questioned was why it felt so good. Why, when she had a boyfriend that could be doing the exact same thing, did it feel even better that Quinn Fabray was playing her knight? Though the answer always came minutes later.

It was Quinn Fabray.

That was Rachel's answer.

Quinn Fabray post high school bully had somehow become Rachel's own silent body guard, and it felt nice. It felt good. It felt safe. Safer than Finn's arms, safer than Pucks hold. Safer than Gabby, her stuffed bear that Daddy had given to her the day she was born. And nothing had ever been safer than Gabby.

Finn on the other hand was tired of it. Every time Quinn was around the hairs on the end of his neck stood up, his eyes grew shifty, and he found speaking harder to do. It felt as if he was the one being stalked. As if he was the target, as if he was the one Quinn was after.

It had been weeks and he'd had enough. "Why are you stalking me? It's not cute anymore, it's just plain freaky. I used to have to check for Rachel under my bed, but now it's you. Under my bed, in my closet. You're freaking me and Rachel out so just leave us alone already." He shouted in the middle of the hall, gaining gazes from all around him.

"I'm not stalking anyone." Quinn deadpanned, not at all surprised by the rasp and scratch at her throat. It had been days since she last spoke. These things happened.

"Bullshit."

"Finn,"

"No, Rachel, I'm done with her. She's following us, keeping tabs, and I want to know why. I'm not just going to pretend I don't see you anymore. What's with you?"

But Quinn never answered, instead her phone bleeped, she took one glance at it, and walked away. Not after giving Rachel one final look over of course.


	2. I'm So Sorry

The next day had gone about the same, only today Rachel experimented, she sat where Quinn typically sat, wondering what the blonde would do. And to her surprise, Quinn sat next to her. It sent something through the petite girl, a rush of some sort. She couldn't remember Quinn sitting so close to her before. Neither of them said anything, Quinn reached in her bag and began reading a book, though not actually paying the words any attention, and Rachel focused on her breathing.

It was harder now, trying to create the perfect rhythm. She'd never focused on how she breathed regularly, so she wasn't sure what her normal was. Were they long deep breaths, or short quick ones? Were they even? Were they sporadic? Did she sniffle from time to time? She wasn't sure, but soon enough Finn walked in, scowling at Quinn and sat on the other side of Rachel, wrapping a tight arm around her shoulders.

Breathing became natural then as her mind was put into a distracted conversation. She was still very aware of Quinn, and had even caught a few side glances thrown her way, but the two still never spoke to each other. Not a single word.

The only difference now was Rachel noticed a boundary break with Quinn. They sat next to each other in History, and when Rachel chose a random seat in Glee, Quinn chose the spot right next to her. Unfortunately for the two of them, Rachel chose an end seat, leaving an infuriated Finn to ball his fists, approach Quinn, and demand she move.

She obliged without a word, opting for the seat directly behind Rachel. And when Rachel sang that day, a tune Quinn hadn't heard before for once, their eyes were glued to each other, a kind of charge their that otherwise wouldn't have existed.

Rachel wasn't stupid, she had noticed that the bullying had died down, her life had gotten much easier and it all started when Quinn changed. Her knight was always there, and Rachel was always safe. Always.

In the cafeteria where food was almost always thrown at her, she hadn't felt a single peck of a French fry, in math when Karofsky once spit paper balls at her, she now only felt the itch to turn and look at him, expecting to be pelted the moment she did.

But it never came, and school grew comfortable. School grew fun. So much so, Rachel felt this urge to thank her secret protector. Though she never knew how to go about it, the two still didn't speak. They probably never would unless Rachel initiated the entire conversation, a thought that managed to terrify her. Quinn wasn't always the most approachable person on the planet, especially not now. The days you heard her speak were rare ones. And the days she did her voice was raspy and cold, not the same sound she once had. It wasn't warm with the knowledge of what being a minority felt like. It was distant, even from herself.

As if her own voice was outside her body. There wasn't any kind of attachment there any longer. Though how this happened nobody knew, and no one dared ask. Not even Santana nor Brittany. The two hadn't even tried. They knew better than to mess with a broken Quinn Fabray, and could only hope whatever it was would get fixed eventually.

But it never did, and Rachel began to wonder if it would, and why no one else was trying. Not even faculty. Though faculty hardly ever tried anymore. No one cared about the students, not with laws being passed that constantly threatened their jobs. Too much was on the teacher's plates for them to be able to properly focus on the signs of depression that had become so very clear in the blonde over these couple weeks.

By Friday Rachel had worked up the courage, she pretended to be staying after the club to practice; knowing Quinn would linger just a little longer. What she didn't expect was for Quinn to say she was staying behind too for cheer practice, to which Santana scoffed and stormed out while Brittany just sent her a sad frown with a hesitant walk out the door.

"Quinn," Rachel's voice was gentle as she turned in her chair to be immediately met with the blonde's eyes. The lids were heavy, dark circles around them as well. She wasn't sleeping. "Are you alright?"

Quinn only nodded.

"I only ask…well because you don't seem…well. In fact you seem quite the opposite. You haven't been sleeping have you?"

Everything told Quinn to run, but Rachel wanted to be alone. It could be a sign. It could be. Quinn didn't know. Maybe something happened she hadn't caught in time. Maybe someone sent her a text, maybe Santana snuck in a moment. Who knew?

A warm hand rested on Quinn's bare knee. Warm and soft. So soft and gentle. Comfort. The first piece of comfort Quinn felt in weeks. Did she relish in it? Did she deserve to? Rachel shouldn't be giving Quinn any comfort; it should be the other way around. And Quinn had tried, every day she kept Rachel safe, but could never muster up the courage to apologize, or to properly become a friend. The only thing Rachel ever truly wanted. Why couldn't Quinn give that to her?

Attachments. Quinn couldn't get attached anymore. What if it happened again?

"Are you?" was all Quinn could respond with, her voice still scratchy, and maybe even a little more hoarse than usual.

"Am I what?"

"Okay?"  
"Yes."

"Promise?"

Rachel's brows dropped. "Quinn, what's going on? You're not yourself."

"You don't even know who I am."

"I like to think I have a general idea."

"Do you promise?" Quinn repeated only now noticing Rachel's hand still on her knee, and only because the thumb had stroked once. It was nice, a second moment of comfort.

"I promise, Quinn. I'm only going over scales and looking over a few songs for sectionals this year." Quinn stood, effectively removing Rachel's hand on her knee, and moved to leave.

She had reached the door, stopped for a brief moment, bit her lip in fear of what to say, and finally turned to face the brunette. "I'll see you in history." And then she was gone. Just like that. Leaving Rachel confused and worried.

It was so unlike Quinn, she wasn't the same somehow. Something was off, something was upsetting, even scaring her somehow. Rachel needed to find out, needed to know. And that's when she realized she hadn't even said thank you, like she planned to. There was always tomorrow, though.

The next morning proved difficult to Quinn. Judy wasn't home, Russell's car was gone. Russell was home. Panic set in Quinn. Where had her mother gone? Had she snapped? Was it too much?

Her feet rushed to her father, praying for a signal, a sign that mom just left to run errands, but his expression was blank. Just like it had been for weeks. She shouldn't have expected less, and as she fixed her own to mirror his, only one word left her mouth. "Mom?"

"Groceries."

And that's all the conversation the two would share for another week. Russell didn't look at Quinn any longer. He couldn't after Frannie. He wasn't supposed to be here anymore, as far as Quinn knew anyways. It was all business and then he'd leave, but mom fell again. Their daughter had died, the other had failed. They needed each other. At least that's what it seemed to be. Without Russell around Judy seemed to stop moving altogether. Apparently Russell Fabray gave Judy a purpose that Judy couldn't. Or perhaps they bonded over the death of their favorite child, who knew.

Even while being tortured by her sister's death Quinn found herself jealous. She found herself doubting the mourning that would happen from her own family. Found herself wondering. Some nights she played it all out, the reactions, what people would say.

None of them were nice.

But why would they? Quinn was awful to everyone. A couple weeks of kindness wouldn't make up for that. She was foolish to think so, but it made her feel better. It made her feel right, and looking after Rachel felt right as well. The purpose she lost was found in the diva. For now anyways. The new week may bring another obstacle, another wall, another battle. Quinn didn't know anymore, all she knew was what was today. And today was hard.

Her mother wasn't home, her car still here, but Russell's away. Why not take her own car? The answer Quinn gave herself was that Judy knew her car was Quinn's favorite. That Judy knew Quinn would never drive anything her father owned. That Judy was giving up and letting Quinn take her car.

And it was these answers until the blonde came home with bags in her arms and voice chiming out that there were more in the car.

Relief flooded through Quinn, though she couldn't show it. Because this was today, Judy could still give up tomorrow.

When lunch rolled around, Quinn's phone had pinged for a third time and she still ignored it. Human interaction wasn't needed anymore. It wasn't wanted. All Quinn wanted was school to start again. Weekend's had no purpose. Weekends had no Rachel. Though weekends may be different for Rachel, she may have a fight with her boyfriend, one leaving her desperate and sad and-

Quinn dashed for her phone, not sure what she'd do exactly, but needing to do something to settle the panic in her. The first text was Santana, a snarky way of checking in like she did every day. The second a text from Mercedes asking flat out what was wrong, and the third from the girl Quinn was trying to save.

Rachel Berry:

Thank you. I meant to say it yesterday but…I got distracted with your odd behavior.

Me:

For what?

Rachel Berry:

What?

Me:

Why are you thanking me?

Rachel Berry:

Oh, for everything I suppose. You've been on my side more so than normal. I appreciate it, even if Finn doesn't. So thank you.

Quinn didn't reply. She didn't know how to. She wasn't sure she even wanted to reply. So she chose not to, instead tossing her phone to the bed, and moving towards her computer, getting school work done. It was the only distraction she had on the weekends, and she seemed to fly through it within the first few hours she started. One day she'd learn to space it all out, she'd learn to manage her time better. But for now the pain was too strong, too concentrated. So she needed to focus on making it not hurt. On making the day worth it, but the only thought that ever got her through was Rachel. She needed to make the day worth it for Rachel. Keep her safe. Make it better.

Dinner held the typical silence it had even before Frannie. The Fabrays put on a show for everyone, the perfect sixties family where the wife stays home and the man gets all the money. Though now Mom worked. She had to when dad left, and found herself doing well in real estate.

Russell had been trying to get her to quit. It was a sliver in the reasoning as to why Quinn couldn't sleep. Their fights always loud and obnoxious as Quinn wept in silence, listening to the sounds of her family crumbling around her all over again. Listening to her own thoughts taunting her.

I'm so sorry.

The very next portion of the letter.

Sorry.

What was Frannie sorry for? The suicide? The fights? The lack of communication? There were all kinds of regrets that were shared between the girls but never spoken. No one dared speak of the family flaws anymore. Because they never existed. At least that was the goal. Pretend they aren't there and it's like they really weren't.

Quinn tried pretending. She tried as hard as she could, but even as Sunday night rolled around, pretending wasn't enough. She still couldn't sleep, still couldn't cry. Still silently wept a tearless, sleepless night. Just like the rest.

She was going to go insane. She was going to die this way. Tired and alone. The alone portion she'd grown accustomed to. It had been what she'd expected her whole life, but tired? Quinn prayed she'd die in silence peacefully. Doubt showered the idea of dying tired and alone being a peaceful passing.

Tossing and turning was her nightly activity, and watching the clock strike six am was her morning routine. She dressed herself, lazily pulling on her cheer uniform before pulling her hair up. Everything was routine. She had the same face, the same air about her. It amazed her how much you could miss someone you barely spoke to. But she figured it was the regrets, or the possibilities of what they could have been. The idea of what Frannie was had been shattered and then replaced with the image of who that person actually had been. And now the regrets and the possibilities all mixed and Quinn couldn't seem to hold herself together.

What would they have been if they were given a chance?

She may never know, but she did know one thing. Rachel was still alive, but who knew for how long. It was a grave thought. In fact, it was disgustingly morbid, Quinn hated herself the moment she thought it, even though it may have been true.

She walked into history searching for that brunette head and found it off down the third row filling in notes she'd left uncoordinated last Friday. Her feet shuffled for a moment, wanting to sit next to her and run in the same moment. Which did she choose? A life protecting a girl she didn't even know if she liked, or a life without purpose? Her skirt slid into place in the seat next to the girl, who turned to her with a shy smile, one that wasn't returned.

Did Quinn know how to smile?

Seconds, which painfully felt like hours, passed before Quinn found her courage. "Hi," one word, still raspy, and still scratchy and even more hoarse. But it was something, and Rachel so deeply appreciated it.

"Good morning, Quinn."


	3. There's So Much I Wanted To Say

Rachel was being followed by her knight, closer than before but never close enough it felt. The blonde still sent shivers down Rachel's back when she felt those eyes bore into her, but she never once hated or wished it away. It was protection, and somehow, even with Quinn's eyes as cold and dead as they were, it was warmth knowing someone was there.

Finn still hated it, and he made it known. Now Quinn had become the bullied, but she didn't care. Let Finn call her a freak, let him say what he did, Rachel reprimanded him and he kept quiet. If only he knew she was trying to save his girlfriends life, though that wasn't necessarily true.

In an odd twist of events, Rachel had begun to save Quinn's. Rachel Berry had started to save Quinn in giving the blonde someone to look after. It was exactly what the blonde needed to find an odd comfort in not being able to save Frannie.

Quinn became accustomed to blaming herself. She should have somehow tried harder to be in Frannie's life. If she was a better sister, if she was stronger, if she knew better. None of this would have happened. If she had just stopped and tried. But she never gave any effort, she never dared to try and go to see her. Why would she? They weren't close. And they weren't close because Quinn never tried.

Regrets.

So many regrets. So many 'if only's'. So many 'what ifs'. It was almost too much, but then Rachel came into view and Quinn was saved. Quinn had purpose and was found again.

"Quinn,"

"Rachel." There was a pause, both of them realizing that it was the first time she'd ever used Rachel's first name before.

"I, well I came to see how you were. You haven't been sleeping. I can tell. May I help? I've had some experience with it myself, and know of a few remedies that may work."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"Are you?"

"I….yes. Why do you keep-"

"Then I'm okay." Quinn closed her locker, giving what she hoped to be a reassuring look to the smaller girl. It may have just been a blank stare with the way Rachel looked at her so confused.

It wasn't a problem it seemed in Glee. Rachel came in, asking to sing an Ella Fitzgerald song she adored. It was Dream a Little Dream of Me, each note perfect, each note soothing, and Quinn knew it was a trick to get her to nod off while Glee resumed. It almost worked, had it not been for the applause after. Lazy but loud.

At lunch it was Rachel who approached Quinn, now with something to keep her energy up. "It's a protein bar," she explained to Santana's incredulous expression. "I've realized that you have practice after school, and I shouldn't have sung that song in glee. Please eat this, I will try and look for something to better keep you alert that isn't a disgusting energy drink that will only sabotage your kidneys." She continued rambling while Quinn just stared at her.

This girl, who Quinn had been fighting to keep safe, was now tending to her. And she liked it. Dear God she loved it even. She could have passed out just then, looking in to those deep brown eyes. Warm, comforting, soft, gentle.

And then she did. Quinn imagined those eyes in English, laid her head atop her desk and nodded off for the class hour. The first peaceful rest she'd gotten in so long. She'd have to thank Rachel now, and then she remembered she couldn't. What would she say? Thank you for being born with those caring eyes. Thank you for being the better person. For caring.

That was it. Rachel cared while everyone else let Quinn be.

They seemed to be saving each other, but what did that mean? What did it mean to save each other but not even be friends? Did it even need to mean anything? It had to. It felt important. It felt like…like there should be something there. But what?

The answer evaded Quinn for the entirety of the day, and as she finished a final lap on the school track, she found those safe eyes just to the side of the stands. For the first time since Frannie's death Quinn had that urge. The urge to smile. Rachel was there, she promised to find something to wake Quinn up, something to help. Warmth spread through her as she trotted sloppily over to the diva.

Rachel watched, happy that Quinn came straight to her, and even happier to see the life back in her eyes even if only for a moment. When Quinn stood just in front of her, Rachel let her brightest smile flash before handing her a small water bottle of tea. "It has caffeine but not enough to kill you."

Quinn didn't speak, just took a long swig and kept her eyes on Rachel. The life had slowly died out of those hazel orbs but Rachel was happy just to see a flash of it.

Fear trickled in Quinn once again, a word flitting through her mind for a moment. Something she wanted but didn't dare ask for. She prayed that supposed sixth sense Rachel had would work and she'd just know that Quinn wanted her to stay. It would be humiliating to ask. Though, why Quinn didn't know.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

There was a long moment where Quinn thought of what she could reply with. All she could think of was the word stay. Just stay. Please just stay. And then the memory of Rachel's hand on her knee came back. The touch. The comfort. That's what Quinn wanted. Being in Rachel's presence was comfortable, but if she was going to leave, then Quinn needed that contact. She needed that touch to hold her over.

So she took it. Quinn stole the touch and wrapped Rachel Berry in a hug, ignoring Coach Sue's shouts through the blow horn behind her. She didn't pay the insults any mind, too busy with soaking in every good feeling Rachel exuded. The innocence, the purity, the kindness. Quinn took it all in. Every drop of it that she could. And she'd pray it to never leave her.

When they pulled apart, Quinn noticed the slightly shocked but happy look on Rachel's face, a perfect combination that only made the blonde want to real the brunette in for another hold.

It never happened. Rachel excused herself and left with a giddy smile on her face while Quinn watched her leave. Watched with a sense of awe as she felt her skin go cold with each step Rachel took. She wanted to follow. The warmth was leaving so Quinn should do whatever it took to keep it right?

The shouting she now heard was her answer. And she trotted back to the center of the field, taking another swig of her tea. It cooled her throat, and she felt her face relax. No longer a statue of whatever expression she should be wearing, but instead the exact expression she should have on. Contentment. Happiness.

She had someone who cared.

But her mind was a demon, killing the moment with a single thought.

Where was the someone that was supposed to care for Frannie. Oh right, she never tried.


	4. I Love You

Tuesday.

The day of Frannie's funeral.

The day Quinn would never see her sister again. The final farewell. The last goodbye. Hello's ended last Christmas. Hello's ended the year Frannie got everything she asked for and Quinn got a few books. Her mother claimed she didn't have the money, but judging from Frannie's new bike, she did.

Jealousy.

Quinn was still jealous and it was her sister's funeral. She was disgusting. She was horrible. How could she be jealous at a time like this? How could she be thinking about such petty things. She should be grateful to be alive, grateful that she wasn't dead. Funerals were a time to think back on the dead with joy. With happy thoughts, but Quinn was still jealous. Quinn didn't know her sister. Quinn didn't have memories to look back on with a smile.

They had competitions to look at. They had fights and arguments and hurtful words. They didn't share a bond. And now they never would.

And even with that thought Quinn still couldn't cry.

Why couldn't she cry?

What was wrong with her?

Her phone pinged, and with a dropping heart Quinn read the name on the front.

Rachel Berry:

Where are you?

That was all Quinn needed to feel her entire body run colder than it ever had before. Rachel was in trouble, she could feel it. The students had taken advantage of Quinn not being there and now Rachel was paying for it.

Quinn didn't excuse herself, she didn't say goodbye to her family, the worst was over. Frannie was in the ground. Piles of dirt were over her coffin, what was the point in sticking around to mourn in silence with family you hadn't seen in years when Rachel was in trouble?

The car sped down the streets of Lima as Quinn rushed left, then right, and ran a red only to nearly miss getting hit. She didn't care. Her mind repeated Rachel's name, repeated all the awful things Quinn had done to her, and repeated that flash of white as Rachel smiled at her while handing her the tea.

Her mother's car pulled up to McKinley high and Quinn was quick to log in at the front and find Rachel Berry. It was time for glee, in fact it was smack dab in the middle when Quinn rushed through the doors only to find Rachel checking her phone, Finn by her side, Santana and Brittany eyeing her oddly, and the rest just staring confused.

"Quinn, I didn't think you were in school today."

"Are you okay?" Rachel's eyes met Quinn's and she nodded slowly.

"Fine as always. Are you?"

Quinn sighed, let her shoulders sag, and sat on the other side of Rachel, ignoring the rest of the world as she resisted herself the comfort of Rachel's shoulder. She was okay.

She was okay.

For today.

For today Rachel was okay, but Quinn wasn't taking any more chances. Her phone pinged, her mothers name coming up on the screen and the same message Rachel had sent on her screen. However Quinn ignored this one and instead sat in glee and listened as she caught her breath. This was where she was supposed to be. Next to Rachel, keeping her safe. Protecting the girl she knew she could, not standing around as everyone talks about good memories.

Quinn didn't have anymore good memories, she couldn't think of a single one.

And then she did.

Her favorite memory.

Rachel's beaming smile. That was Quinn's favorite memory. It was her best memory, and she'd make sure to never forget it.

She loved that smile. That perfect smile with perfect teeth. Teeth of her savior.

Rachel Berry was only sixteen and already she'd saved someone's life. She saved Quinn's life who had dedicated her own to save Rachel's. An odd twist for Rachel to add to her biography when she wrote it.

But for now, it was just the two sharing seats next to each other and sitting in silence. For now it was history with hello's, glee with check ups, lunch with Rachel tending to Quinn, and then the school day ended. And Quinn went home that much closer to feeling okay.

But the night had other plans. In the brief moment of Quinn catching a sliver of peace and shut eye, she had a nightmare. Different from the one with Rachel blaming her but somehow still the same.

In Rachel's place was Frannie, asking why she wasn't trying. Asking what she did wrong. What she did to hurt Quinn so horribly. And then she hung herself. Right before Quinn. Right before her very eyes. Every night Quinn now woke up screaming. She still couldn't cry. No matter how badly it hurt, now matter how hard she clenched at her chest, it still hurt. The blame, the guilt, the fear, the memory. It all hurt to a degree that made it almost not worth it.

But then those teeth came into view. Those teeth that made it worth it. Such an odd thing for Quinn to think of but Rachel had a beautiful smile, and it was all because of her teeth. Shiny white, and perfectly straight. Beautiful. Rachel was beautiful, and now Quinn had a new mission.

Proving it to her.


	5. I Guess That's Where I'll Start

Friday morning was yet another rough one. Quinn had spent the hours she was awake to think of a plan to show Rachel how beautiful she was, and then it was morning suddenly. Time passed and Quinn couldn't think of a single way that wouldn't look so…odd.

She wasn't gay, she just needed to show this to Rachel. She needed to show her that she was gorgeous. Her nose was perfect. Her eyes were soothing. Her teeth were fantastic. Quinn had to work to be who she was, to look the way she did. Rachel was that way naturally. The warmth Quinn found in those beautiful brown orbs came from the care that Rachel exuded. The comfort she found in every touch stemmed from Rachel's almost need to take care of whoever was around her. Rachel was naturally beautiful in ever way. If only Quinn knew how to show it without being caught. She didn't want Rachel to hear it from her. She wanted it to come to Rachel. She wanted Rachel to see it too. Any compliment Quinn would give would only be smiled away and thanked for. But never believed.

Quinn continued to think over breakfast. The only interruption coming from her mother.

"You took my car."

"I had school."

"You didn't tell me."

"I figured you knew the day."

"I knew."

And the silence came again. Quinn kept her mouth shut as she felt the familiar ripping of her heart. Her mother needed her. That was all. But she would have never asked for Quinn. She knew that Quinn was grieving just as much as her. And Quinn should have seen this as well. But Rachel.

"We could…do something later? There's a game tonight I have to be at, but…maybe dinner after?"

"I could come to your game."

Quinn froze, her spoon hanging between her fingertips over the bowl as she stared at her mother, who stared at the paper.

This is what it took? Her sisters death? It took her sister killing herself for Judy to want to know what Quinn did, for Judy to want to be a part of her life? It sent fury through Quinn's bones, and finally she dropped her spoon to her bowl and stormed out, heading for school twenty minutes before she even needed to leave.

She couldn't be there. She couldn't be in her mother's presence. She couldn't feel more jealousy over her sister. She wouldn't make it. It would kill her.

Rachel.

She needed Rachel.

Her father's truck sped once more to the school, much like earlier in the week, only it was almost as though the roles had been switched. Quinn rushing to Rachel for salvation instead of rushing to play hero. Her cheerios uniform felt tighter than normal, her chest heaved, panic settling in without any intentions of moving out. Her breathing was sharp, parking job horrible. Her car had spun over the slick wet ground from the previous nights rain, and was now parked in two spots, not that Quinn even noticed, or cared. All she cared about was getting out of her constricting clothing. Getting out of this car alive. She felt as if her chest was going to crush herself to death. Felt as though the world was caving in on her.

She hadn't heard the tapping on her window, her heaving too loud, add to it the pounding of her heart in her ears and Quinn could barely even hear her own thoughts.

Her sight hadn't caught the form that climbed into the car with her, and her body hadn't registered the small fingers on her arm until the strangers own were wrapped tightly around her. Darkness surrounded Quinn as her eyes stayed clamped shut in her panic and her sorrow. Her chest heaved as if to shake the pain off her heart, and her nails dug into tan skin as Rachel Berry pulled the blonde closer to her.

She hadn't a clue as to what had happened, only that she watched the truck swerve and thought she should check to ensure the driver was safe. She'd never thought she'd see Quinn Fabray in the driver's seat, sobbing without any tears, pulling at her clothes, eyes shut tight against each other. She never thought she'd be here holding the blonde. But she was, and she would until Quinn didn't need her anymore.

They rocked. Both of them swaying as Rachel whispered calming words into Quinn's ear, and while Quinn finally cried for the first time.

When the first tear fell and Quinn felt it slide all the way down her cheek, she didn't even try and stop the next one, or the next. She willed them out. Perhaps it would release the pressure on her chest.

And it did. That mixed with Rachel's hand on her back running up and down, then in circles, and next thing she knew, Rachel's nails were gently caressing Quinn's spine.

The sobbing subsided, the shaking stopped, and the pressure left. But the tears stayed. The tears stayed and it was the best thing Rachel had ever done for Quinn. Let her cry. She let her cry without shame, without question. Finally the tears had come. Finally Quinn was grieving. The first stage had finally come right?

Five minutes passed and still Quinn cried, there were small sobs every now and then, but Rachel never stopped. She wouldn't until Quinn calmed. And when she did, which wasn't until another five minutes, Rachel pulled back just enough to look at Quinn's face. "Are you okay?"

"Thank you."

Rachel paused; thinking about what exactly there was for Quinn to be thanking her for. Yes, she had just consoled her but the tone, the tired, quiet, yet so deeply sentimental thank you felt like so much more. It felt deeper. And Rachel wasn't sure what to make of it. So she picked up her movements on Quinn's back again, earning herself a soft hum from the blonde.

For the first time in her life, Rachel was seeing Quinn with all of her walls down. She only wished Quinn would open her eyes.

But she couldn't. Quinn would see what this looked like and run. And she just wanted five more minutes. Just five more. Which turned into six, as she curled in closer to Rachel, enjoying the soft pitter patter of rain tapping on the metal of the truck.

The seventh minute came along when Rachel began to thread her fingers through Quinn's hair, caressing her scalp to keep Quinn's inevitable headache at bay.

And by the eighth minute, Quinn had fallen asleep, Rachel surrounding every piece of her body, keeping her safe. It was warm, it was comfortable, it was safe. God it was so safe.

Rachel felt the even breaths as her hand stilled on Quinn's back, and for the briefest of moments she thought of waking her. School was starting in just a few moments. But those dark bags under Quinn's eyes came back into view and Rachel thought better of it. She wasn't the best driver, but perhaps she would be better higher up. It was worth a shot at the very least. Though now she only had the obstacle of pushing Quinn the rest of the way across the front (thank God for old styled trucks) and into the passenger's side without waking her.

A task she found easier than she though it'd be. With her arm still wrapped securely around Quinn's back, Rachel scooted herself back to the side, sliding out the side door and carefully closing it. Through the window she saw Quinn's sleeping form, and a pair of furrowed brows and a pouted lip.

That was all the incentive it took for her to scurry to the drivers side, and start up the engine to take her to the Berry home. Dad and Daddy would be gone at work, giving the two perfect time to do what was needed.

It wasn't long before Rachel reached her house. The drive bumpy, slow, and jerky. She hadn't ever driven so horribly before, but at least she didn't drive off the road or swerve into an incorrect lane. And even through the jerked movements, Quinn had stayed fast asleep, the heat from the cars vents blowing towards her middle, keeping her at a perfect temperature. The same temperature she felt when Rachel held her.

It would be her second favorite memory, one she'd at first look back on with embarrassment. But when time went on, it'd be the fondest memory of their lives. The memory of when it all started. Of when fate took over.

Rachel had to wake Quinn up now, for as much as she worked out she was no match for another person's dead weight.

Crawling to Quinn's side, regretting her choice of skirt on this chilling day, Rachel gently shook the blonde's shoulder.

No response.

She shook again, and still nothing.

By the third shake, Rachel had given up, and chose to stay in the car. It was pouring down now anyways. She decided to add this to her list of reasons why the drive wasn't completely horrible. Given the circumstances, Rachel was quite proud of herself.

A half hour passed of the two in the car, the rain had died down, wind picked up, and Rachel Berry grew bored. She prayed for Quinn to wake soon, needing to head inside and at the very least make the girl beside her a bowl of soup, or perhaps a breakfast worth eating. Rachel couldn't imagine Quinn being at all healthy. She grew skinnier, looked exhausted and run down. She had wondered how she managed practice with how dead she looked. But then Quinn was always a mystery to her. Quinn was possibly the most mysterious person Rachel ever knew.

"Where…" Quinn's whispered voice rang out, causing a soft caring smile to spread against Rachel's features.

"Hey, you're awake," She said, stroking the girl's arm.

Again, Quinn hummed, keeping her eyes closed for another moment to let herself enjoy the feel. She wanted more, maybe even craved it. She did. She craved more. She craved Rachel's arms. Craved the feeling of those smooth tan arms circling around her, and those talented fingers in her hair. So soft. So safe.

"Rachel." Quinn spoke the name aloud, not sure why but loving that that was who was there with her. Her savior. Her knight.

"Yes, I brought you to my house. I didn't think school was the best place for you. Perhaps we should go in? It's only just stopped raining and I fear it may start again." Rachel said looking out the windshield as she flattened out her skirt.

"Oh. You didn't have to. I would have been fine."

"No."

"No?"

"You would have walked around school all day with these horrifying dark circles, and this blank look on your face that terrifies me to no end. You wouldn't be you, you'd be this….this…zombie like creature. You'd be dead, Quinn. I can't watch that anymore."

Silence. The kind of silence that allowed Quinn's walls to erupt and for Rachel to regret speaking. The kind of silence that made Rachel nervous. One that held a tension she'd wished never existed. Quinn wanted to shout. Wanted to yell at Rachel for using that word.

But she was dead. She felt it, looked it. She couldn't even hide it anymore. Hell, she only had one purpose now, one thing to live for. Keeping Rachel safe. And she couldn't do that if she was mad about something she knew herself was true. "Zombie?"

"…Yes."

"Okay."

"Right."

"Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"You wanted to go inside?"

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, forcing her brown eyes off of Quinn before they both stepped out of the truck. The air was chilled but the wind had died thankfully. Leaving it so all that was left was the sloshing ground and the goosebumps on both of their skin. Goose bumps that erupted even further on Quinn's as she felt a jacket being placed over her shoulders once they were both inside. "You should go back to sleep." Rachel whispered.

Quinn shuddered.

"It'll do you good. I'll wake you after I've made some kind of soup for lunch. Here," Steadily, Rachel wrapped her fingers over Quinn's now covered arm and tugged her softly to the living room. "Lay there, on the couch, I'll be upstairs changing from my school clothes. Would you…I may have some oversized hoodies and perhaps some sweats that will fit."

"I'm okay."

Rachel didn't reply. It was obvious Quinn wasn't okay. But for now Rachel wouldn't push, for now she'd change and play hostess while tending to the blonde that had played her silent knight. All the while being one for Quinn Fabray.


	6. I Should Have Been Stronger For You

Family pictures plagued Quinn as she looked around the living room. To her right, photos of Rachel and her fathers at a park when she was just a child. To her left, photos of her dads from a professional shoot. They were so happy. The truly perfect family. They didn't do anything for show. They were just honest to God that happy. You could tell in these photos. Their smiles aren't strained, the joy reaches their eyes instead of stopping at the corners of their lips.

The house itself was much warmer. It had the lived in feel. Slippers lay half-hazardly by the arm chair before Quinn as she feels the pounding in her head begin.

The fireplace is full of logs, untouched but there for a purpose, unlike the dusted over logs in her own home. No one was home long enough to start one, let alone use it. The couches were lumpy from having been sat in so many times, the carpet had stains from years of living. Quinn wished her home was like this. She wished her home had the stains and the lumps.

Instead her house was spick and span. Not a stain in sight. Why would there be? No one used the coffee machine, everyone bought it on the run. No one made a homemade meal, Quinn made cereal, Judy had toast, and Russell hadn't been there to make much of anything. And when he did he chose the bland flavor of oatmeal.

The Berry house was vastly different from the Fabray house, and Quinn was envious of each one. Each portion that stuck out from what she herself had grown so used to seemed to be highlighted, as if to further point out how estranged her family really is.

Quinn could hear dishes clank in the kitchen, Rachel tending to her like a mother should. It felt nice. As nice as Rachel always felt. There was this…need it seemed. A need to be surrounded by Rachel once more. The only girl that made Quinn safe again. The only girl that made her feel a sliver of anything anymore. Fear, joy, the faint urge to smile. That was all Rachel, and Quinn was craving all of it. So much so she was about ready to stand before seeing Rachel returning, her face coming from the kitchen doorway with a glass of water and something in her hands. "I'm not sure if you're the same, but I grow migraines after I cry. So we always have medicine on hand for sever headaches just in case."

"Do you cry often?"

Rachel paused, her eyes locking to Quinn's. She sees it now, the regret, the pain. Something's happened and it's changed Quinn in a way Beth couldn't. It's made her see exactly what she's done to people, or more specifically it seemed, Rachel Berry. "Not anymore." Rachel assured, pushing the contents closer to Quinn who happily took them.

It would be a moment before the throbbing subsided, but at least she wasn't going a full day of school with one. "Thank you,"

"Thank you."

Hazel eyes dart up to meet Rachel's brown ones, and follow them as they level with her own, Rachel sitting on the couch beside her. "You've been keeping the bullies away at school, yes?"

Quinn nods.

"Thank you. It means a lot."

"You shouldn't thank me." Quinn's voice is hoarse again, the exhaustion coming back now that Rachel was close again. The comfort there to help Quinn feel less alert. If Rachel was close, no one would dream of touching her. Quinn was almost like the cross to the bullies at school, and hopefully those nearby here as well.

"Why not?"

"A few good deeds doesn't make up for years of torment."

Rachel's fingers run through Quinn's blonde hair again softly. Soothing the blonde as she hears the tears draw closer. She's not sure what to say. Never in a million years would she expect this to be happening. Never in a million years would she expect Quinn to get so protective of her. To be so attentive to her feelings. It's heartbreaking to think of, and yet it's heartwarming all the same.

"Quinn…it means the world to me. I don't think you understand how much it means. And not just because you are protecting me, but because it's you. I'm not sure why, you haven't been my worst tormentor, in fact Santana has said much worse things about me than you have, but it does mean a lot. I feel…safe with you now. I admit, at times I worry that the slushies will return and that you'll be there in the background watching, but it fades the moment I actually see you behind me at my locker. You've managed to become a kind of knight in shining armor for me. And even though we've never truly spoken about anything in particular, I view you as a friend. A good friend. So yes, a few good deeds do make up for everything because it means so much more to me than you know."

The tears threaten to fall, and for a moment Quinn almost lets them. But she's scared. She doesn't want to have a panic attack again. She wants to be surrounded by Rachel. A thought she'd never even dream of before. However, if one thought about it, it made perfect sense. Rachel Berry was the only one who seemed to be there for the blonde when she needed a person the most. Why not Rachel? Why not the girl that had played doctor to Quinn in every situation she'd been through?

"Can we…in the truck…" words failed the blonde, too afraid to ask for what she wanted but needing it now more than ever. The security, the safety, the warm arms. Life. Rachel Berry gave Quinn life when she was that close. That's what Quinn wanted. Her life back. The one Frannie somehow managed to steal when she took her own.

If Russell saw Quinn at this moment, he'd call her weak, asking to be held by another person. And by a person who had sinning father's no less. He'd scold her, and then he'd say she should have been more like Frannie before she became a failure too. It almost slipped from his lips a few nights before. He had almost let the full sentence fall from those hated lips, but stopped himself at the sight of Judy. Truthfully she was his meal ticket, but he'd never admit it to himself.

"What is it, Quinn?" Rachel asked, drawing the blondes thoughts back to the present not only with her voice but with her hands. One on the top of Quinn's own, and the other cradling it. "Whatever you need."

You. That's what Quinn opens her mouth to say. You. Rachel Berry. I need you. I need your arms your strength. Dear God, I need your strength. Having to go through two years of torment, and who knows what else before then. Rachel has to be the strongest girl, strongest person Quinn knows. "Just…sit, no lay. Lay with me?"

"On the couch? It's a tad small don't you think? I mean, I am of small size but I'm still not sure the two of us will fit, it's not the largest of-" Her words are cut off by Quinn's arms moving around her neck to pull her close to her. They tighten around her, sadder than before on the field. Quinn's nose buries into Rachel's neck and there's another urge, to push them closer, to pull Rachel even further into her own body. But there isn't any room. Quinn's pulled Rachel in as far as she could go, so how could Quinn want more?

"You make me feel safe too. In the truck you…I…" her words trailed off, teeth worried her lip as she tried to think of a strong way to say this. But there wasn't any. There was no possible way of sounding strong and saying this sentence at the same time. This was the weakest Quinn Fabray had ever been and she both hated and loved it. "I need you." She finally whispers, sighing at the end and tightening her grip. She doesn't want Rachel to pull away and look at her. She doesn't want to see those surprised chocolate eyes. She just wants to be safe again, to be comforted again.

"O-okay."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Quinn."

"Promise?"

"Promise."


	7. We Were Never Close,

Quinn slept. And slept. She felt a slight movement atop her, Rachel moving to get comfortable on the couch as she lay on the blonde, and slept some more. A now cold soup bowl sat at the coffee table, the TV had been left on, the main menu to West Side Story playing over and over, and the fireplace spat with the sounds of a finally dying flame.

It was a home, and it was the best feeling Quinn had ever been witness too. She'd felt her first fireplace, ate her first bowl of soup made specifically for her to feel better, was serenaded by a brunette.

And she smiled.

For the first time in about a month, Quinn Fabray smiled. And she felt. She felt a lot. She felt safe, warm, every feeling she'd ever felt with Rachel. But a new one came, just as she heard the front door opening.

Loved.

Quinn Fabray felt loved. And not in a odd 'this isn't right' way, but a way she'd never quite experienced before. This girl that she bullied for so long cared for her in a way Quinn had never been cared for, and oh God it felt good. Quinn would never give it up. She'd never force it away. That feeling was one she'd cherish her whole life. One she'd never forget and never regret. One she-

"What in Heavens name!" came a booming voice from the front door, causing both girls to jolt. Unfortunately Quinn jolted with her abdomen and Rachel only with her hands. Pale and tan skin met in the most painful of ways as their head bonked against each other and they both groaned. "Get from under my daughter!" The man shouted again, making Quinn feel yet another sliver of something. Fear.

She did all she could to scurry off the couch, landing flat on her buttocks with a thump before making the mistake of looking Leroy Berry right in the eyes. Quinn gulped as he towered over her, a tall black man with deep brown eyes and a terrifying glare. "Rachel Berry get to your room."

"Daddy,"

"Room!"

"Daddy it's not what you think, we were just sleeping."

"Together."

"Well, yes, but not like you think. Quinn was just tired, and….well it's a tad complicated but-"

"Room. Now. And you, I suggest you get to your own real quick." Leroy scolded, his glare stuck on Quinn as she sat frozen in place. At least until the man cocked a brow and she shuffled to her feet.

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." She mumbled almost incoherently as she looked around, wondering if she had anything to collect. Which she didn't. Because her and Rachel hadn't done anything. Though it certainly felt like it. It felt like they had gotten caught in a disgustingly intimate moment. And they did. Rachel Berry was laying on top of Quinn Fabray and Quinn's fingers were clinging to her shirt. It was intimate. But it was safe. And now the safety was gone. And Quinn was walking to her truck in a cold drizzle, heading to a place she so desperately didn't want to be. She'd only be taunted by the differences in her own home compared to Rachel's.

But what was she going to do? Stay at the Berry's for good? Clearly that wasn't even an option if 'Daddy' had anything to say about it.

A thought dawned on Quinn. Leroy was angry. More angry than she'd ever imagine someone in Rachel's family to be. Could he have…would he have laid a hand on her?

_Are you okay?_

**Rachel Berry:**

Fine. Just infuriated with my father at the moment. I'm sorry. When dad gets home I'll explain to him. He's far more level headed, and daddy will listen to him.

_You don't have to._

**Rachel Berry:**

I'm going to. Text me if you need anything Quinn. But not until you've gone home. No texting while driving. I can't lose my knight in shining armor.

It stuck somehow. The last sentence. Someone relied on Quinn. At least one person did. Rachel couldn't. She couldn't lose Quinn. It stuck in a way Quinn wasn't sure it should. Had it been anyone else, Quinn would have cracked. But it was Rachel, and she knew Quinn. She knew Quinn even when Quinn didn't know her own self. It amazed her. And perhaps that was where the security came from. Rachel saw something that Quinn couldn't; which meant Rachel was worth it. Rachel was worth living for. If only to figure out what it was that she saw.

When Quinn reached her house, Judy's car wasn't there, though that wasn't surprising for the Fabray's at all. Quinn was almost always left alone on Friday nights. Russell went to some kind of bar, then a hotel, and then who knew where and Judy tried her best to stay out of the house nearly every day.

Russell probably got dropped off, and went bar hopping while mom ran errands. He'd call to be picked up and the night would end and a new day would begin. Although, new didn't seem to be the right word. Could it really be a new day if the routine was the same?

Quinn doubted it, and as she sat down on her own couch, overstuffed and dusty in contrast to the lumpy one she slept on earlier, she thought about how routine her days had become. Today had been the only break. The first break in the routine and even then it still felt so…rehearsed. Not the panic attack or the sleeping with Rachel wrapped above her, but the finding comfort in the girl, the lack of protecting Quinn was doing. She'd successfully kept Rachel safe, and now only existed so no one dared to break this streak. But that didn't seem to be right either. She didn't just exist to be that buffer, but instead existed because Rachel was hers. Rachel was Quinn's buffer between never-ending sorrow and security.

The room was lost in a silence that Quinn had somehow grown used to and yet felt so foreign in now. The booming voice of Leroy Berry still echoing in her head. The assumptions he made and how she hadn't even flinched at them. She was already a disgrace in her own family so why not someone else's as well? And still, even with the thought of not caring what Rachel's dad thought of her, Quinn found herself praying that Rachel would fix it. Quinn needed that safety, that warmth. Rachel fit so perfectly in her when they slept. She wasn't too heavy, and when the brunette dozed off, Quinn could hear the light snore Rachel Berry gave.

It was hypnotizing, and that alone had helped Quinn lull herself into a slumber. She prayed her memory was strong enough to recreate such a sound. The quiet snore that Rachel had. It was quite the adorable sound, a sound one would have never guessed the starlet to have. It seemed Rachel was full of pleasant surprises.

The silence became ignored, Quinn's mind making enough noise for once to somehow fill it in. She thought about texting the girl once more, bringing back that blanket of warmth through her phone, but wasn't sure if it were such a great idea. She hadn't a clue as to what could be going on at the Berry home right now. Rachel could be smack dab in the middle of fixing things, only to break because Quinn had texted her. The blonde scoffed at the thought of Rachel possibly making some kind of powerpoint, proving to her fathers the different reasons why Quinn and her hadn't and couldn't possibly be an item. It was just like Berry, and that brought a smile to Quinn's face again. A smile she held until she walked to her room, forgetting about the game, ignoring the texts from Santana claiming she was taking over, and allowing her mind to take her back to that couch, back to the movie and the soup and the warmth.

It was hypnotizing all over again, listening to Rachel's singing as the movie played. Remembering how wonderful the soup had tasted and felt as it slid down her throat. But the snoring. The snoring went right up there with that flash of white teeth of one of Quinn Fabray's favorite memories. The light rumble, the sweet intakes, the beautiful hot air that poured from those nostrils and to Quinn's neck. Goose bumps erupted on pale skin as Quinn thought it all over. Every detail. Every breath. It was heaven. And it helped lull her into yet another slumber. Not as dreamless as the last but longer. And that would have to do for now.


	8. I Wish We Had Been

Quinn woke at four the next morning, stretching out and still ignoring the soft bleep of her phone reminding her of the texts she received last night. Monday would be hell, having to explain her absence to Coach Sylvester. But honestly, Quinn didn't care anymore. She didn't care that she didn't cheer, she didn't care that she missed a game or that Santana was going to take her spot if it ever happened again. The only reason Quinn needed to be captain was to continue to be on top, to continue to protect Rachel. That status let her do exactly that. And she wasn't giving it up any time soon.

She spent some time online, checking her email, Facebook, and then headed out of her room and down the steps. It had only covered up a good fifteen minutes, and Quinn was itching for something to do. She couldn't be alone because the thoughts would attack, but being around people was suffocating. It was forever a lose-lose, except for when Rachel was around.

The house was still dark, the sun not having fully risen just yet, but there was enough light for Quinn to see the sleeping form of her drunk father on the couch, arm over his eyes, one leg draping off the side, and snoring as loud as ever. There was no point in waking him. He'd only grumble incoherently and move upstairs to the guest room.

Judy still swore his stay wasn't permanent, but a month's time seemed like a big enough sign to say he was. But hey, if it helped her sleep at night, Quinn would have let Judy say whatever she wanted, so long as Quinn was never dragged into it. She came and went as she pleased; barely spoke to Russell anyways, so there wasn't any true harm here anyways. No, as long as they kept their distance and Russell didn't try and pry or speak to Quinn they lived as happily as was possible.

For the Fabray's anyways. Happy hardly existed. Especially now. Happy was a fairytale to them. Happy was a mirage. An ideal that none of them would ever reach. Happy was a lie. It had been this way since Quinn could remember. Her childhood was living up to an image her father had that Quinn could almost never reach. Not for lack of trying. Honor roll every year, President of Celibacy Club, Captain of the Cheerios, and she liked to think she was the predominant alto in Glee as well.

Not anymore.

Now Quinn was just the girl that was there, giving as little effort as she possibly could to stay and get by. Half the club did this in fact, why not her too?

Spotting her shoes by the back door Quinn decided to run. Try and clear her thoughts with the thrumming of her feet, with the pounding of the pavement, and the fresh morning air. It would be her perfect morning for once. As close to perfect as she could get.

It was cool, just as expected. The sun not having been up long enough to heat the air. Quinn's quick change into a pair of sweats and a tight tank seemed to be the perfect combination for this early morning run. It felt right to be out there. When everyone was only just waking up Quinn could freely be out there on her own, running as fast as she possibly could.

She didn't know why she's giving her all, only that she had to. As if she was running from someone, or something. Her legs began to burn, the air around her warm, and her stomach tightened to a degree that made keeping herself up difficult. It's a sad day, one where Quinn realized that she was running from something. The death of her sister. She had been for quite some time. She avoided this conclusion, this horrible realization since the letter came. The jealousy helped, the anger helped, every bad feeling helped keep that slap to the face as far away as possible.

But yesterday. The truck. The panic attack. The first comfortable sleep She'd gotten in a month. Rachel. Rachel did this. Rachel brought this on. Quinn hated her. She hated that brunette with those caring brown eyes, that soft touch, that warm skin. She hated Rachel with every inch of her body. And soon the hatred and the anger and the everything became too much. Quinn collapsed to the ground, skidding her knee but not once feeling the pain.

Tears welled in her eyes as she moved herself out off the sidewalk and to the grass, palming her eyes as she fought the tears. Tears were for the weak. Tears were for the insecure. Tears were pointless. Quinn was stronger than this. She could hold it together. She could make it. Just a few more miles. Just a little longer.

But she couldn't. Her body split in half. Her chest exploded, gut wrenched and tightened and finally exploded as well. Her lungs collapsed, brain shut down, lids shut tight together. Her body was giving out in any way it could. The muscle aches from her run not helping in the entire ordeal. And the sob the raked her body pained ever muscle she had. Even her legs. Her arms. It shook everywhere, burned everywhere. She wasn't strong anymore. She didn't have anything to work towards. Frannie was her guide. Her guideline on who to be and how hard to work. Quinn lost more than a sister, she lost an idol.

Her idol was gone. An idol she hadn't even known she had. Frannie. Her darling girl. Her sister. Oh God her sister was gone. She wasn't coming back. There wouldn't be the tapping of her phone at Christmas, the smooth hand to hold during prayers, the boisterous laughter during Thanksgiving when old stories were being told. Frannie was gone.

Frannie was gone.

Frannie was gone.

Quinn rocked herself where she sat, knees up to her chest, palms connected to her eyes, sobs raking her body. She couldn't stop. This wasn't a panic attack. This was pain. Undiluted pain. And it wasn't even the beginning of it all. This was only the pain that came with losing her sister. She still had her baby pains, her being kicked out of the house pains, her abandonment pains, her entire life was one painful string of events. She never had normal, she never had easy and so many people thought she did. So many people thought her life was a breeze but it was the exact opposite of that. So many people were so very wrong.

So many except for one.

Rachel Berry.

Her knight.

Her guiding lamb.

Quinn whipped out her phone, fingers shaking as she held it before her, thumb going down the list until it landed over the very name. Rachel Berry.

Me:

I need you.

Rachel Berry:

Where are you?

That was a good question. Where was Quinn? She hadn't looked up far enough to even know. All her eyes had seen was the sidewalk, her palms, and now her phone with the grass behind it.

Me:

I don't know.

Rachel Berry:

What's around you?

Quinn forced her aching head up, sad and bloodshot eyes looking out at the street full of cars rushing to get to work. Across the street was a Starbucks, beside it a Payless, and next to that an old Antique store. Nothing that would truly give her location.

Me:

Starbucks, Payless and the antique store.

Rachel Berry:

Is Barbra in the window?

Me:

What?

Rachel Berry:

Of the antique store. Is there a large old Funny Girl poster in front?

Quinn's eyes squinted, and sure enough…

Me:

Yes.

Rachel Berry:

Be right there.

And she wasn't lying. Within ten minutes an old compact car, with rust by its wheels and on the hood, stopped just outside the antique store. Big brown eyes searched almost frantically for the blonde hair. She couldn't see it at first, and Quinn felt too dead to call out. Her body had given up; she was only sitting there, her knees to her chin, arms hugging them, eyes dead at the sidewalk and grass. She wasn't Quinn anymore. Not without her sister. Not without the only chance of any kind of family.

Feet stood in Quinn's line of sight, and then they shifted, moved to her side, and the tiny brunette sat in a similar position to Quinn's.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Quinn stayed quiet.

"Have you eaten?"

Still not a sound. It began to worry Rachel, her fingers tapping Quinn's shoulder. She wished she knew what was going on, what had Quinn so hurt, so scared, and so distant. If only she could fix whatever was happening, whatever was going on. A part of her wondered if she had been kicked out again, it was a likely possibility now that half the school knew Russell was back in town. "Dad helped me calm daddy down. They know nothing happened between us. I have a rule of saving myself until I'm twenty-five anyways. So dad just used my stubborn ways as a good enough reason for daddy to believe me." It was a slight attempt at a joke, one that got Quinn's eyes to move but not much else.

Rachel's fingers moved to Quinn's upper arm, stroking lightly as she inched in closer. "Is there anything I can do?" Quinn nodded. "What is it?" But she couldn't speak. She couldn't. If she spoke she'd break, and if she broke what would happen. This was her put together again, this was Quinn after she forced herself to be fixed up once aga- "Do you want me to take you home?"

"No." Her reply came out faster than intended and even needed. But Quinn didn't want to go home. She couldn't go home. Anywhere but there.

"I don't know what…" Rachel trailed off, her eyes dropping for a moment before lifting to try and look into Quinn's eyes. They weren't shinning, they were dead all over again. "Quinn…I hate seeing you like this. Just tell me what to do. I'll do it without question, without hesitation. Just…how can I fix this? How can I help you?"

Quinn could cry. The tenderness in Rachel's voice, the worry, Quinn could literally cry. It's all she's ever wanted to hear but from the wrong person. Her mother should be speaking to her like this. Her mother should be trying to make sure Quinn was okay, even while grieving herself. Someone should be trying to help her that was her own flesh and blood but they weren't.

Was this how Frannie felt? That she had no one? That no one in her own family cared? Quinn couldn't blame her.

"Just," Quinn started, her voice a low rasp, only just barely above a whisper. "Just stay close." For a moment Quinn remembered hating this girl. The only girl that had ever been there for her. The only girl Quinn wanted around. The only girl to try. The girl that was continually saving her life. "I'm sorry."

"What? What for?"

Everything.

"I…I know you weren't here, but I…I thought earlier while I was running that I hated you." Quinn paused, allowing herself to shift to look into those deep brown eyes that weren't at all the least bit surprised or even hurt. Of course not, Rachel always thought Quinn hated her. "I don't. I really don't. I can't."

"It's okay. I forgive you. I can get annoying."

"No. It's not okay. But thank you for forgiving me." Quinn's tone stayed at a monotone level. Just as dead as the rest of her. "I want to be-" She stopped herself short, realizing just how strange her request sounded.

"What do you want?"

A long sigh passed between Quinn's lips before she spoke, those hazel eyes falling from Rachel's. "You. You feel safe. And warm."

It took Rachel by surprise, but she agreed, not having much on her agenda for the day anyhow. Just a few voice warm-ups that could easily be done tomorrow.

She placed an arm around Quinn's shoulders, leaned back to bring Quinn with her. The moment the girls' backs hit the ground, Quinn curled to her side and into Rachel, silently begging to be held. She could hear Rachel's breaths, could almost just make out her heart beat. The cars rushing past were ignored. The tweeting in the trees added to the lullaby of Rachel's breathing, and Quinn was able to close her eyes and not see her sister hanging but instead those brown comforting orbs. Her safety nets. Her protection.

"We could have been friends." Quinn mumbled out, curling in further into the brunette, her legs reaching out farther than the diva's but her head laying comfortably under Rachel's chin.

"We still can."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, Quinn."

"Even after…"

"Even after."

"You'd be my first friend."

What?

"What?"

Quinn nodded, losing the world around her as she sniffed in Rachel's intoxicating scent. "Santana doesn't actually like me, not like a friend would, Brittany follows Santana's rule, Puck wants in my pants, Finn hates me. You're my first friend."

Rachel stayed still, unable to believe her ears as her fingers ran down Quinn's arm, the other snug under the blonde's head, fingers toying with soft hair. "I find this all very hard to believe."

"We could have been good friends." Quinn repeats, slightly lost in her sleepy haze.

"Yes. I do think that's true." Tan fingers continue to run briefly over a small portion of Quinn's scalp, earning the brunette a hum from the girl buried into her side.

"Can we still be good friends?"

"We can be the best of friends."

"You'll leave."

"No I won't."

"People always leave."

"I won't."

"You will."

"Quinn,"

"Yes?"

"I'm not leaving you. Go to sleep, I'll keep you safe from any of the numerous creeps that no doubt walk these streets. I have both my rape whistle and my mace."

"I know."

"You know I have-"

"You'll keep me safe. You always have."

Rachel didn't reply, only blushed and held Quinn tighter. It was the truth, though she'd never wanted it pointed out to her. Rachel always felt a need to protect Quinn. Always felt a pull to do what she could to make things at the very least a little better for her. As much as she could and as much as Quinn would allow. And she always would. As much as she could. And as much as Quinn would allow. Which was thankfully becoming a more open and free reigned option for Rachel. She could play knight after all Quinn had done for her.


	9. I Should Have Tried Harder

The chirping birds had died, the wind no longer existed, and when Quinn woke once again, she was no longer wrapped in Rachel's arms, but instead surrounded by a blanket that smelled of lavender and fruit. There was a familiarity to it, and Quinn shut her eyes to pull the blanket in closer to her. The fear had gone, safety took over and sleep was inevitable.

For a moment Quinn worried about Rachel's whereabouts, but trusted she wasn't far, and the sound of the sink that was in the attached bathroom proved it so. Quinn could feel her heart thudding inside her. Warm, thriving, safe, protected. Rachel was keeping it untouched and safe. And Quinn was ever grateful.

The door opened slowly, no doubt Rachel trying not to wake the girl she thought was slumbering away on her own bed. A bed that was soft and comforting and exactly how Quinn would imagine it to be.

Should she tell Rachel she was awake? Or fall back asleep? She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. It was odd, sleeping so much after hardly getting any. It felt wrong, almost as if she'd been sleeping too much. Though she knew that wasn't right. It was more her catching up on all the sleep she'd lost, and hopefully she'd look less dreadful to Rachel, who continued to comment on the dark circles around her eyes in worry.

The bed shifted slightly, Rachel climbing in delicately to cradle Quinn in her arms once again. Finn had been texting her all day, begging to spend time together but Rachel continued to shut him down, not daring to say Quinn's name or that she was the reason Rachel couldn't stray away from her own home. Instead she opted for homework or glee excuses, and it eventually won.

Finn was still going insane, but showed it less and less each day, Rachel promising he had nothing to worry about. Quinn was only trying to turn a new leaf. At least that's what she had assumed, and it's what had been keeping him quiet, so she settled with it. But now, ever since Quinn had Rachel lay with her on the couch and passed out, Rachel had been dying to know the true reason. She'd been dying to know what was going on, why Quinn was so different. Why she looked so broken. But she'd never ask. It would be on Quinn's time that Rachel would receive her answer, and while the girl was impatient, she was also respectful of Quinn's feelings, and would wait as long as it took her.

Her fingers began their trek through blonde hair. She'd repeated this motion all day, her arm had grown tired and when it did, she'd only rested it on the bed and allowed her nails to trail over a small section of pale skin on Quinn's bicep.

Quinn's skin was hypnotizing to Rachel. Much like Rachel's breathing was to Quinn. The two got lost in each other for a few breaths before Quinn finally spoke up, her stomach craving a meal after not eating breakfast and most likely skipping over lunch. "Rach,"

The brunette's face lit up at the shortening of her own name. "Yes, Quinn."

"Are you hungry?"

"I could eat." She replied, moving her arm to wrap entirely around Quinn, her front to Quinn's back. She liked cuddling with the girl. Finn forced Rachel to play little spoon every time, and cuddling had always led to him attempting to go further. With Quinn it was safe, Rachel could cuddle without worry of it going to far, and still be the one to be the 'big spoon'. She liked it much more with Quinn than Finn and was happy to be able to receive both.

"You feel good."

"You do too."

Neither moved to get out of bed, instead both settling in further, enjoying the comfort they both found in the other. They listened to each others breaths, felt each others chest rise and fall, and sighed with contentment on occasion. A peaceful and beautiful moment that both of them would remember forever.

"What would you like to eat?"

"I don't know." Quinn never knew anymore. She was quite certain you could place a meal before her and she'd eat it without hesitation. Her lack of substance in any meal had put her in an almost always starving mood. Though it had grown to be a custom for her. She was always hungry but couldn't keep her food down save for a few special moments.

"Well, lucky for you my fathers do not follow the same animal morals that I do. So I'm sure we'll have something here for you to enjoy."

"I'll just have whatever you are. I'm not picky."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

And still, not a single movement. Not a muscle was moved, they didn't dare break this moment. The longer it went on, the more aware they both became to how odd it was. Did best friends cuddle like this? Did their hearts pound with each touch? They weren't even at the best friends status, where they? But they couldn't move, fear of losing each other once this hold was broken almost too much to bare. Too hard a thought to let become a reality.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Saving me."

This confused Rachel, all she'd done was pick her up, cradled her, kept her safe from boys and men who may ogle and try something horrid to her. But Rachel doubted she'd ever save Quinn. In fact, Quinn had probably saved Rachel more than the other way around. If anything, just from the humiliation at school.

"I'm not quite sure I have,"

"You have."

And the brutal truth hits Rachel harder than she ever thought possible. The depression, the lack of sleep, the odd behavior. Straying from everything that Quinn Fabray was. They were all signs. They were all signals of suicide and it took Rachel now, now when Quinn basically told her, to see it.

Her body clung tighter to Quinn, fingers gripped tightly to pale skin, arm pulled Quinn further into her front. She couldn't go anywhere. She couldn't leave Rachel. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't go. Rachel wouldn't let Quinn out of her sight at all anymore. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I should have seen it sooner. I should have noticed, should have…should have…I'm so sorry, Quinn. I'll be better, more observant. I'll be-" During her entire babbling panic Rachel hadn't noticed Quinn turning, hadn't noticed those hazel eyes on her lids as they clamped down tightly, and she hadn't seen the girl inch in closer.

The only sign that they were dangerously close was when it was too late, and Quinn's lips were on hers, giving soft pecks to Rachel's lips. Soft gentle pecks that were sweet and kind and…friendly? Did friends kiss like this? Rachel didn't know, she wasn't sure if she cared. Her own lips stayed still, though. She wasn't registering that they should move, that they should work against Quinn's. Right now it was just Quinn's placing her lips atop Rachel's softly and sweetly.

Perfectly.

And then they did move. When the shock faded and Rachel's body finally relaxed, her arms and legs released their tension, and her lips worked against Quinn's. And soon enough, they were in a lip-lock. A beautiful lip-lock that felt like what Quinn imagined heaven feeling like. This had to be heaven. Nothing had ever felt so good. So real.

Quinn's skin was warm. Her heart was pounding. She didn't have a care in the world. She just was. And she was kissing Rachel. And Rachel was kissing Quinn. And heaven, and angels, and perfection, and Barbra Streisand. And stars. Rachel saw stars, and Quinn saw fireworks. The fireworks exploded in Rachel's sky and everything was as it should be but it was also as it could never be.

Rachel had Finn, Quinn had…nothing. And she wanted it that way. This would be a one time kiss, and oddly enough they both could feel it. They both knew that something like this could never happen again. So take advantage while you can, they both thought.

Quinn moved further, pushing herself above Rachel, keeping their kisses in a slow rhythm. She couldn't stop kissing her, not until she absolutely had to. Not until someone forced the two apart or Rachel shoved her off. Quinn wouldn't stop.

And neither would Rachel. Rachel didn't dare stop once. She refused to stop. Quinn tasted like…like…was there a word? Quinn tasted heavenly. She tasted sweet, with a hint of mint. Rachel's hands found solace at Quinn's hips, Quinn's hands keeping steady on either side of Rachel. So perfect, so angelic, so safe.

"You feel amazing." Quinn mumbled between kisses.

"Don't stop." Rachel cried. Literally cried.

As did Quinn.

They both shed tears at the sad knowledge that this would end. Rachel tried to keep it alive, wrapping her arms over Quinn's shoulders, bringing her closer. This was a fleeting moment, it wouldn't come again. It wouldn't ever happen again.

Why?

Why couldn't this happen again?

"Girls," Hiram called from the other side of the door, knocking lightly after. "You guys awake?"

The two pulled apart slowly, eyes locked to each other. Both staring into the bloodshot eyes of the other. Both so sad, but lucky to have the other in their life.

"I'm awake, dad." Rachel called, quickly swiping at her eyes as she released her hold on the blonde, who rolled to the side and clung to the covers once again. Just like she'd never left the spot before.

"We're going to make lunch, is she," his eyes fell upon what looked to be a sleeping Quinn. "Still sleeping?"

"She hasn't gotten a whole lot." Rachel forced a sad smile, wanting nothing more than to find that moment again. Wanting nothing more than Quinn's lips on her own. It didn't make sense, but it didn't have to just yet. All that matter to both of them was how right it felt, and how it couldn't happen again.

"Well, will she want something if you wake her?"

"Yes, she's not too picky."

"Alright, are you going to stay with her?"

Rachel nodded, closing her door slowly behind her father before turning back to the blonde who now had her eyes clamped shut together, forcing tears away. She didn't want to cry, not after that. But what did it all mean? Was she gay? Was she an even bigger disgrace than her father already saw her as?

"Quinn, don't cry. It's alright."

Quinn's head shook.

"Why isn't it alright?"

"I don't know." Quinn mumbled as her body relaxed slightly, Rachel's fingers trailing through her hair yet again. "That feels amazing." Her words slurred together, and Rachel only smiled at the girl. She should be thinking about Finn, but this girl before her, the broken one with all the imperfections in the world it seemed, had her attention. And truth be told, she always did. Rachel just didn't understand why. She still didn't.

"That's good. Do you have a headache?"

"Not yet."

"Do you think you will have one? Because, I can give you something now to avoid it."

"I'm good."

"Okay."

Silence.

And more silence.

The kind of silence that Rachel adored. One of comfort, and questions that went unanswered but it didn't matter. Because they would be. It would only take time and both were comfortable with that. They just wanted today. They needed today. Today was a fluke, but one of the best flukes they'd ever experienced.

"Dad's making dinner. Do you want to head down?"

"Okay."

"Would you like to clean up?"

"Will you stay?"

"Yes. I promise."


	10. It Will Get Better

"So, Rachel tells us you're on the cheerleading team?" Not for the first time, Quinn shifted her peas around on her plate, staring at the food blankly. She couldn't think straight, she could hardly focus long enough to know when she was being addressed. Much like in this moment. "What's that like? I imagine they have you training like crazy if you've been sleeping so much."

Hazel eyes flickered for a moment before finally gazing up, realizing she was the one being spoken to. It was a rare occurrence in her own family even before everything that has happened lately. So it truly wasn't any surprise to her when she looked around the table before speaking. "Oh, um…it's okay. It used to be fun but now I'm more in it for the school politics."

"That hardly seems like any reason to join something that you'll lose sleep over."

"It's not the practice that has me tired," Quinn blurted, placing her fork down and giving the room her full attention. Her eyes met Rachel's inquisitive ones, and for a moment she almost smiled. Just for a moment. But then she remembered their kiss, the goodbye. That's what it was, that's all it could be. "I have nightmares. So I don't sleep much."

"Why didn't you tell me? I offered to help."

"It's no big deal." Quinn shrugged looking back down to the table as she reached for her glass and took a small sip of the water. The meal was delicious, veggie burgers with a side of peas and pumpkin pie for desert if Quinn decided to stay.

Should she?

Was that a wise choice? All the blonde wanted was to turn back time and live in that moment again. She wanted to go back to that room, to live and feel and breathe. She wanted to be alive. But she couldn't be, she couldn't get that back. It was wrong. It was so wrong to take Rachel away from Finn for her own selfish reasons. Security shouldn't be why someone breaks up a perfectly good relationship. Should it?

Quinn didn't know anymore. She didn't know what was okay and what wasn't. She didn't know why the two were fooling themselves. They couldn't be anything. All they ever were, all they ever would be, was some odd silent friendship. They'd look out for each other from a distance. That's how it always had been. One kiss wasn't going to change that.

And yet looking across the table, seeing those comforting brown eyes, maybe one kiss could change that. Maybe one kiss could change everything. Maybe Quinn did matter. And maybe Rachel mattered too. Maybe together they could change anything they wanted to. Maybe hope could still exist. "You don't like peas?" Rachel questioned, eyes locked to Quinn's, and Quinn's just as hooked.

There was a fire between the two. It was no longer a charge, or a small jolt. It was a blaze that could be seen for miles. Anyone who knew what love was knew that fate had finally laid its hand and was currently creating something legendary. Fate was creating something beautiful.

"They're not my favorite."

"I thought you weren't picky."

"I stand corrected." Quinn finished with a smile. A bright smile that finally began to reach her eyes again. It caught Rachel off guard. Brought one of her own to slowly creep up on her face until it was her true Rachel Berry smile. The glistening beam that interrupted Quinn's nightmares and fought off the images of whatever was around her. The smile of her savior. Even the Berry-men sat at their seats and watched their daughter steadily fall into the eyes that she would no doubt begin to dream of. After all it had happened to them, they knew the signs. They knew that right in that moment Rachel's heart felt light and that it pitter-pattered with a kind of excitement she'd only feel when looking at the blonde before her. They also knew the troubles she'd face with Finn, and then the troubles she'd face in life after high school. But they were one hundred percent sure of the fact that she was strong enough to handle the real world, and soon enough, so would Quinn.

"So, does this mean we can take out the pumpkin pie?" Hiram spoke with a smile, eyes flicking between the two girls who had yet to take their eyes off of the other. And then _it_ happened. That moment that told Rachel everything she needed to know. Quinn was still there, behind those tears and that frown, she was still there. It finally happened, Quinn chuckled. A small chuckle with a large smile and those eyes finally came to life for the second time since she'd been acting this way. Tears threatened to fall the moment Rachel heard it. After having just cried upstairs over a kiss that held more emotion in it than any kiss she'd ever had before, than any kiss she could have ever imagined, she was watching Quinn chuckle and look to Hiram with a nod.

Quinn was alive in there. Somewhere she was still there, that girl that showed her head while pregnant. That Quinn still existed and only needed to feel safe and protected to return. Rachel finally understood. And as her father brought out the desert she wondered if it would be possible to keep Quinn here forever. If she just wanted to feel safe Rachel could give her that. She'd do whatever it took to give that to the blonde. And perhaps selfish reasons lay behind the need to do so, but Rachel was only human, and she was falling so quickly and hopelessly. How it began she couldn't remember, she only knew what was happening in this exact moment. And that was that Quinn Fabray was laughing and smiling. She was living. And Rachel had seen nothing better.


	11. No Matter How Hard Things Get

Dreamless nights were coming more and more often, school seemed easier, and that fear that stayed deep in Quinn's gut was beginning to dissipate. Not because of anything that had happened recently; at least Quinn hadn't thought so. Nothing significant had happened since the kiss she shared with Rachel. Although, the fact that Rachel Berry was sticking around, the fact that she wasn't giving up and running away to Finn was incredibly significant. Quinn had thought that she'd be left alone again, however the small brunette proved her wrong.

On days that Quinn had to walk home, Rachel walked with her. She even hugged her goodnight if they weren't to see each other until the next morning. Invitations to dinner were passed out at random moments in the day, some Quinn so desperately wanted to agree to go to, but she wasn't sure she should. Was it fear that kept her from being too close to Rachel? Or was it her brain actually working? What exactly was she being a slave to at this point; her brain or her fear. Quinn was always a slave to something, why would her actions now be any different?

"Good morning, Quinn." Rachel's voice rang out as the petite diva walked right on past the blonde, moving to her own locker down the hall.

Enchanted by the brunette, Quinn found herself only smiling and blinking like she'd just been star struck by a celebrity. The fluttering in her chest occurred more frequently now, and she had accepted it. Much like she was steadily accepting her attraction to Rachel. It made sense she guessed, all of the years fighting her and bullying her weren't exactly that. They were fighting the idea of her, the feelings she gave Quinn, fighting what had become known as sin from the one man that had taught her what it meant so well.

Doing her best to shake the thoughts out of her mind, Quinn moved to Rachel's locker entirely unsure of why she was moving to it. She was being pulled to that locker. Tethered like Finn had spoken about after the funeral. Quinn understood now, and she liked it. She liked being pulled to someone, someone she trusted, someone that could really change things for her. "Morning, Rachel," she spoke evenly, smirking slightly as she leaned against the locker next to the brunette's. She couldn't exactly understand what was happening; hell she didn't even know how they were still speaking after all that had happened. But Quinn had never been more grateful of anything than she was about them still speaking to each other. Losing Rachel in any way was an idea that left Quinn empty and lost at the mere thought. It simply wasn't a possibility in her mind.

Surprised brown eyes turned to Quinn, though a smile appeared soon after. "Quinn, you seem…happy this morning."

A small scoff of a laugh escaped Quinn's lips as her gaze fell to the floor. Was it so outlandish that she be smiling in the morning? Perhaps. "Maybe things are getting better."

"Any reason why?"

"No. I just…have more reasons to smile I guess." With a shrug, Quinn left Rachel's side, but not before dragging a small finger across the small of her back. Those helped too. The secret touches, the kind of thing one would only find in a love novel written by a woman with a hopeless romantic view on life. Since dinner with Rachel's family there have been these coded touches; these small discrete grazes that only the two could enjoy. It started with a small graze of knuckles as they passed in the halls, and grew to leaning in seats to ask a question, a hand landing gently on a knee and squeezing so delicately. As if anything anymore firm would break the other. Quinn lived for these touches. She lived for these days, small moments of affection that could only be labeled as bliss. Her own Heaven on Earth.

Classes breezed by nowadays, she didn't fall asleep in them now. The bags under her eyes began to vanish as nights went on and she didn't have a nightmare. She had Rachel to thank for that, her and her smiles, touches, and warmth. A small increase in her grades had also helped her mood brighten some. Things were looking up again, and Quinn was well on her way to being normal again. Well on her way to being the girl everyone saw. Or rather, Rachel saw.

Quinn was tired of faking, and with everything that had happened, she wasn't sure she should. It was exhausting, and truth be told the more people that fell for the mask the more it hurt to have friends. Shouldn't friends be able to see past any mask you threw at them? That's the idealization that television and movies had thrown at Quinn. It was expected to have someone see right through you, multiple people actually. And Quinn didn't have any of what she considered her closest friends that were able to see through her. Instead she had a girl that she'd bullied all these years. She had a girl that she treated like complete dirt, and she wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't giving up. Because she saw Quinn.

The thought made the blonde smile as she chewed at the end of her pen. Rachel had always seen Quinn, and at first it scared the blonde. It was a fluke she had to fix before anyone found out along with Rachel. But now she was so overjoyed that the songstress hadn't given up on her. Where would Quinn be without that annoying girl now? Would she be in the ground next to her sister? Or would she be hurting herself in ways most would find imaginable?

Her thoughts cut off at the sound of the bell, and she moved eagerly out of her seat and to Glee. Rachel was just a few seconds from being in Quinn's sight again. She was a giddy teenage girl over someone she once thought to be the lowest of the low-

"Lussy,"

"No," Quinn whispered, freezing in her tracks as she watched a very drunk Russell Fabray head right towards her. Everyone in the halls stared at the debacle before them. Whispers and small snickers echoed as the sloppy man stumbled forward, his arm reaching forward to point firmly to his daughter. "Where'd m'shit go?" His voice boomed, causing some of the whispers to stop, but only some.

When Quinn didn't respond fast enough, too distracted in looking for Rachel and ensuing she wasn't here to witness what was happening, Russell's back hand came flying to land straight across Quinn's cheek. The smack was familiar, one she'd felt many times before but not in months either. She was humiliated, and now the whole school would know just how imperfect her life really was. There wouldn't need to be a need for a mask because everyone would see right through it, in the worst way possible. "You know! You steal my drinks whenever y'feel like an'think you're some big'irl cus you chopped yerself up to look like y'do." Russell moved into Quinn's personal space, eyes glazed over in a haze that she would once refer to as Narnia. Because who the hell knew what was going on behind that gaze at this point.

"I don't," Quinn spoke firmly, keeping her eyes glued to Russell. She wasn't afraid of him, hadn't been since he left, since Judy left him. He was a wreck, much like Quinn had been the past few weeks.

A meaty hand ran through Russell's hair, his frustration growing and before Quinn knew it, he shoved her to the ground. A split second of fear graced her features until she felt her knight by her side, holding her shoulder and arm. It was so quick, Quinn hadn't even noticed Rachel moved into the scene. And oddly enough, while Quinn thought she'd hate having Rachel around, having her right there by her side only made her stronger. A month ago Quinn would have stayed on the ground, but today, with Rachel Berry standing by her side, Quinn stood with pride. And that's when the knife was slammed into her chest. Russell's words daggers upon daggers.

"You're just'like 'er. Worthless. Pathedic. You'll end up just like'er. Rotting in the ground by your'wn hands. Frannie was weak, that's why she killed herself. She wasn't a Fabray, and neither are you. You don'serve the name. You don't even deserve the ability to live on pretending you're. You'll follow her footsteps and be in the ground'fore anyone even notices."

A single tear shed down Quinn's cheek. Not at his words, but at the knowledge of everyone knowing what had happened. Everyone would know that Quinn Fabray's sister killed herself and her own family thought so little of her they didn't think she'd be strong enough to do the same.

To Quinn is was strength that drove someone to a fate like that. Only someone with an astounding amount of strength to pull the trigger or kick the chair away from them. Quinn didn't have that strength; and she certainly didn't have the strength to look Russell in the eyes, let alone any of the student body surrounding them.

Rachel's hand slid slowly up and down her arm, warming the pale skin that had turned to ice. Her knight was there, standing by her side as support. And still Quinn was far too embarrassed to look even Rachel in the eyes. "I have to…" She started, looking around at the floor to see if she dropped anything. "I have to…be somewhere." Panic set in her faster than she hoped for, and upon grabbing her book off the ground Quinn rushed off, heading nowhere in particular other than an escape from this hell.

She hated her father, he was a monster that should have never been in her life. He wasn't meant to be there. Judy had kicked him out once before so why was it so hard now to do it again? What made it so impossible for her mother to stand up to a man? Quinn supposed she could have asked herself the same thing at this point.


	12. I Will Always Be There

**A/N:** Just wanted to thank those that are following still. I know I'm not the greatest with updates and I do apologize for that, but I honest to God do plan on finishing this one because I am so in love with it. I imagine it ending kind of soon, but I'm not 100% sure just yet.

* * *

The lack of options to run to only made Quinn panic more. She couldn't go home even though her instinct told her to. She couldn't go to Rachel's, though if she were being honest she had no clue why. Rachel was the only thing in her life that made any sense anymore. Those brown eyes brought a clarity that Quinn Fabray would never understand. It seemed the more she tried to flee the more trapped she became. It was rather eye-opening to her, seeing how little friends she had at this point and time. No one to turn to in crisis except one. One perfectly amazing human being and Quinn was being far too stubborn to just go to her.

What was she so afraid of? Rachel knew so much about her already, they had gotten close in a way that the blonde had refused everyone else all her life. So what on Earth would be so bad about clinging to Rachel?

Deep down Quinn knew. She knew it would be a mixture of fear; fear of losing Rachel due to some odd twist of events or even just Quinn fucking up as always. Then there were her eyes. Rachel's deep brown eyes looking at Quinn as if she'd been betrayed, Quinn could hear the question before she even imagined Rachel's face. _Why didn't you just tell me?_ Quinn sighed deeply at the tone her mind imagined, the hurt she created.

Her feet dangled as she sat backwards on the bleachers opposite of the school. These were much smaller than the "home" bleachers, but McKinley didn't have the budget to add more with the Cheerios stealing money whenever they could. It was probably one of the biggest issues ignored at the school, and it only reminded Quinn of her home life. If you ignore the big issues they cease to exist. Maybe it was a stretch, but Quinn rather liked that she found something to compare her life to.

Hazel eyes searched out in front of her, as if the thick shrubbery and lone road would give her any answers. The silence that she was surrounded with was actually kind of peaceful, and for the first time in a long time Quinn was feeling sad because of what people thought about her, and not about Frannie. It was actually incredibly twisted, but Quinn still smiled. Small but there. Only the corners of her lips lifted, and her arms that rested on the metal bar before her seemed less…foreign? Because that's what she had felt earlier; foreign in her own body. As if she didn't fit there, it wasn't her life she could be living. Because how on earth was one person's life this hard? God gave everyone what he thought they could handle, clearly he was putting far too much stock in Quinn Fabray.

She more felt the company of someone behind than she heard it. Had she not been lost in the greenery and street before her she would have heard it easily, this set of bleachers not exactly the most secure. "So this is where you ran off to." Sam's voice called as he sat heavily next to her.

She had to admit, this was a surprise. The two hadn't talked much this year, in fact, Quinn was pretty sure she'd never actually spoken to him since he joined Glee club. "I wondered since I saw that Rachel was still sitting at the front of the school," he continued, looking out at the same scene she was. A part of Quinn wondered if he saw the same thing she was as he looked out. Did he see the serenity behind the abandoned road and wild bushes? "You should probably let her know you're okay. She said she wasn't leaving until she saw you, it was quite dramatic with her stomped foot and all."

It took Quinn a moment to realize that Sam's conversation was completely one-sided. And still she could only manage a small sentence of, "I'll be sure to do that."

Silence encased the two, Quinn wondering if Sam was going to stay until she actually did go and see Rachel and Sam working up the courage to tell Quinn his own secret. Whether it would help or not was beyond him, he didn't know Quinn like some of the other kids here did but it was worth a shot if it meant helping out when needed.

"I had a cousin once," he started awkwardly, never taking his eyes off the scene before him. "He was a jock, it runs in the family." With a shrug Sam smiled playfully, knowing Quinn wouldn't interrupt him. She just didn't seem like the type to talk much when she was hurting if his only experience with her said anything. "Anyways, he had everything I could have wanted. Anyone could have wanted really; scholarships, scouts looking at him, money, and a pretty face to top it all off. Not to mention a smoking girlfriend," Keeping his tone light, Sam sent Quinn a sideways glance, curious to know her expression and not at all surprised to see it so sculpted. "But I guess there wasn't something right for him, or he wasn't telling us everything because well…like I said…I had a cousin _once_."

Quinn twitched slightly, feeling her numbing ammunition in her stone cold gaze wearing off. It was weird, to have someone else talk to her about this. It was always her own mind tormenting her at night, always fighting her on a night's sleep without a nightmare. Turning she saw Sam's ears turning red and the very tip of his nose going pink. He was about to cry…entirely uncommon for a boy. At least uncommon for the boys Quinn knew. "I just…if you need anyone that can relate kind of…you have someone now," his sudden movement caused Quinn to jump and finally turn to him fully. He was digging in his pocket for something, and pulled out a pen.

Rough calloused fingers grabbed Quinn's wrist, and that pen was used to write a seven digit number on her palm. "You don't have to use it, but if you want to it's there." His charming smile brought one of Quinn's own weak ones to appear, and soon he stood up to walk away, of course not before reminding Quinn of Rachel.

Oddly the reminder got Quinn to chuckle. The thought of Rachel pouting at the front steps like a child whose parents had forgotten her bringing an odd joy to her. "She's more stubborn than me sometimes," Quinn sighed, looking out at the field for a moment. The very field she once considered her lifeline. That field was her stage, the Cheerios were her gateway out of this town, and now Quinn wasn't sure she'd ever escape. What if her father was right? What if she wouldn't amount to anything?

"Sam," Quinn called out quickly, twisting her body to face his departing frame as best she could. "Would you mind asking her to come to me? I don't…I like it here."

"Sure thing," he answered with a small smile, the tears having been fought back in the short time he'd gotten up.

"Thank you."

"Any time, Quinn."

The light chirping of birds sang out like music, different pitches and distances from her. For once she didn't feel the weight of the world suffocating the air around her, instead she felt like herself. Like she did when she was pregnant; sad yet calm and oddly content. Her walls were down, and it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be. Even as she heart Rachel's hesitant steps behind her.

Quinn turned with a sad smile, finally standing on her weak legs to face her knight. "Rachel," she nearly breathed, shoulders relaxing at just the sight of the girl. Why had she been so afraid to go to this girl before?

"Quinn,"

"Hi."

Rachel didn't respond, instead she allowed a silence to fall over the two, and Quinn appreciated the moment. She appreciated the cool winds that whirled around the two of them, and even appreciated the distance between the two. Physical distance didn't matter any longer, she knew that emotionally she was clinging to the girl before her; she loved the girl before her. In what sense she wasn't exactly sure of yet, but she wasn't going to focus on that right now, there was enough on her plate. "Can we go lay on the grass?" Quinn watched as Rachel's brows pinched together in disgust at the thought of sitting on the bug infested ground, much less lay on it. "You can use my jacket to lay your head on." Increasingly Quinn was beginning to realize how one-sided this conversation was getting, and panic was only now starting to settle inside her.

Did Rachel not want to be around someone with so much baggage? Was she finally seeing how messed up Quinn's family was? How messed up _she_ was? "Or…if you just wanted to make sure I was okay you could go home," Quinn continued, her eyes falling to the steel floor beneath them, creaking as she shifted her weight from one side to another.

The silence was killing Quinn, not knowing what Rachel was thinking, only seeing the studied features. As if Rachel was analyzing absolutely every piece of Quinn, another unnerving thing to the blonde.

"I-I think I'm just gonna go…I'll see you tomorrow, Rachel." Her words rushed as she walked past the singer, stopping only when she felt a smooth hand grapple her wrist.

Brown eyes flicked between hazel, still studying and wondering what on Earth was going to happen and what Quinn was feeling. But still Rachel couldn't find her words. She couldn't find any way of speaking to the girl before her. Because it wasn't humanly possible for one human being to be this strong. It simply wasn't possible.

Rachel began to lead the way onto the field, still not speaking because she was simply too dumb-founded to say anything. "We don't have to. You don't want to and I should probably…do something. Go somewhere." Rachel knew there wasn't an actual "where" Quinn would go. She'd just find another peaceful area to think too much on.

Slowly the two sat, right in the middle of the field, ignoring the two students that were currently occupying the track. And now Quinn was realizing how unnecessary words were, much like she realized that physical distance didn't mean anything. Rachel was here speaking wonders by just being there. She was telling Quinn all Quinn ever needed to know. Rachel wasn't going anywhere, no matter how much of the bad that she saw in Quinn's life, she was still there.

For the first time, Quinn didn't fight the tears that were coming down her cheeks. And even better, she was recognizing them as tears of joy. Her fingers grasped on to Rachel's shirt for dear life as her silent tears fell, and the real healing finally began.


	13. Don't Forget Me

**A/N:** A heads up, the next chapter may be a while until it's been posted because I am working towards getting moved out and finishing this semester of college. So writing isn't on my mind as of right now, however I do have a new chapter for you. Thank you to my reviewers, but most importantly I'd like to thank TierAnazazi who has reviewed on every fic of mine even through my worst hiatuses. You are the best and I adore you :)

* * *

The Berry's had taken Quinn in that night, allowing her to choose what movies they watched, she even got to pick where they ordered from and what game to play as it was family game night. Never before had she felt so at home in her life. So comforted by simply being around other people. Rachel hadn't told her fathers what had happened at school, only that Quinn had an awful day and she was coming over whether her dads like it or not. Not that they would ever object. "I still don't see why all of my choices were turned down," Rachel huffed, brushing out the non-existent knots in her hair at her vanity. Quinn only shook her head with a roll of her eyes, changing into a pair of Rachel's oversized basketball shorts. Honestly, Quinn was surprised Rachel owned a pair; she always pictured her as someone to keep her wardrobe as feminine as possible.

"They weren't horrible choices; you all just don't have any true knowledge of what a classic really is." Rachel continued to pout, placing her brush down and smoothing out her pajama pants as she stood. Silky pink, exactly what Quinn pictured Rachel to wear.

"All of your choices involved dancing and singing," Quinn retorted looking to Rachel with a quirked brow.

"All of my choices were perfectly wonderful plays."

"What was wrong with Lady and the Tramp?"

"Nothing! It's a wonderful Disney classic that isn't too far off my choices, however, it was not one of them." With a cross of her arms Rachel moved to the bed. She had clearly noticed how strictly Quinn was avoiding that bed, though she didn't know why exactly. It wasn't as if Rachel would jump her if Quinn simply sat down. They shared one kiss, and as emotional as it was, Rachel was not going to fool herself into thinking Quinn was at all ready for something so emotional. The eggshells she watched Quinn walking on though, did not help her mood all that much.

"I don't think a movie featuring two puppies is at all related to a movie about gangs." Quinn teased, opting to sit at Rachel's vanity instead. She trusted Rachel, she trusted her more than anyone on the planet currently. Quinn simply didn't trust herself, and quite frankly she was almost positive that the moment she got close enough to Rachel, questions would be asked. Questions that Quinn had been avoiding all night.

So far things had gone wonderfully, she loved Rachel's dads, and she loved Rachel and her company. She just wasn't ready for that conversation, not just yet; the conversation of Rachel asking a million and one questions and Quinn being forced to reflect on herself to answer. It sounded far too exhausting. Of course, avoiding the bed wouldn't last forever. Eventually Quinn was going to have to sleep and it was common sense that she was going to share the bed with Rachel. But how long could she wait? Quinn at least wanted to make sure that Rachel was partially asleep before silence surrounded them.

And yet it seemed life had other plans, as that silence was starting to swirl around the two now. It created an awkwardness that both of them hated but hadn't a clue as to how to fix. Too many topics were off topic that both knew needed to be broached. They were hiding from everything that was hard, or more so Quinn. Quinn hid from everything that seemed too hard to handle, and this was certainly one of those times. But as she stared at Rachel, who had turned to keep her chestnut brown eyes locked to the blonde, Quinn felt safety. She always did with Rachel and today was the first day where she didn't trust that safety. How many times had people pulled the rug from under her just when she was getting comfortable?

"Do you wanna watch another movie?" She asked awkwardly, sitting on her hands.

"You won't choose any of mine and I'm not sure I will be able to focus well on a movie you choose." Quinn nodded, her gaze falling to the carpet floor. "We could just go to bed, we do have school tomorrow and my morning routine will not be disrupted due to you staying the night." The way Rachel spoke with such conviction made Quinn giggle.

"You're kind of neurotic."

"I take my routines seriously. They're going to be what helps get me to my future."

The silence overcame them once more, and because of it Quinn forced herself to move towards the bed. She wasn't sure what she was so afraid of; all she had to say was she didn't want to talk about it and Rachel would stop. She knew that much about her friend, but it didn't make things any easier as she slid in silently next to Rachel, resting her back against the headboard. "So…you want to just go to sleep?" Quinn asked almost stupidly, clasping her fingers together and laying them on her lap.

Rachel turned to face the troubled blonde, fixing herself so she sat Indian style directly to the side of Quinn. Never had the diva met anyone more perplexing than Quinn. Rachel never knew where she was at, or what an approachable topic with the girl was, it felt like everything that resembled anything close to a personal question was off limits. But that wasn't fair. Rachel had questions, and while she did want Quinn to keep her comfort level at a nice calm state, Rachel had felt she'd given the girl plenty of time to come to her on her own. Now it seemed like the time to push, even if she knew that it could end horribly. "Or…we could, I don't know, talk?"

The quick reaction in Quinn told Rachel something, but in her stubborn state she chose to ignore it. She chose to push forward because she was so tired of idly sitting back and doing nothing. "Like about...what happened when you swerved into school? You had a panic attack but I never knew about what. Was that when…" Rachel allowed the question to go unfinished, knowing Quinn would understand where she was getting at with it.

"Rachel," Quinn sighed, her voice cracking as much as her heart. She didn't want to do this; she didn't want to talk about it. She knew how much easier it was to ignore it and pretend it wasn't there. Eventually it would go away, bad things always went away if you just ignored them. "I'm really tired."

The girl's mouth opened and closed multiple time, trying to fight out a sentence to push Quinn but too afraid of the blonde running out on her. It would hurt too much if she did. It would kill her to see someone so damaged run out at night with nowhere to go because her father had clearly had one too many today. "I just… I want to understand. I want to help. You can't just expect all of this to go away on its own. You have to face it and all I'm asking is one answer to one question. Can you do that for me please?"

Quinn's jaw set firm, her eyes grew cold and her stature resembled her same one she held whenever in her Cheerio uniform. "Yes, I can. Now since I've answered one question I will be going to sleep."

Fury raced through Rachel as she watched the blonde flip to her side, back to the brunette. Her fingers clenched the pillow closest to her and she flung it down hard onto Quinn's body. When it landed just off the side she picked it up again and slammed it down once more. "That was not my question and you know it! Now stop being so scared and just be here!" The pillow was brought down between the sentences, and when Rachel prepared another hit Quinn turned and grabbed it with force, throwing it across the room.

At any other moment, Rachel would fear for her life with the look Quinn was giving her, but the frustration that had been building up for weeks had become too much and she only reached for a second one; which was also ripped from her hands and thrown across the room. It hadn't registered what Quinn was doing until Rachel's back was pinned to the bed, her arms held firmly in Quinn's palms as she rolled on top of her. The position somewhat familiar but far more charged. Like lightning bolts were flashing between their eyes. A fury only Gods knew, the clashing of two souls that wanted to entirely opposite things.

Their breathing was forceful, heavy pants of raw emotion. Rachel saw the tears so desperately wanting to fall behind Quinn's, and Quinn could see the utter frustration behind Rachel's. And then it clicked, the memory of what happened last time they were this close, Rachel knew that Quinn's mind had left their conversation and flew to that memory solely by her face. It was softer, her eyes fell to Rachel's lips, and the fingers wrapped around her wrists had loosened immensely. Now their breathing had died down to soft wisps of air, hitting the others face. "You can kiss me if you want to," Rachel blurted, cursing herself for the sentence as she began to picture Finn. She had cheated on him once already, and if she kissed Quinn now, if she let this happen again she couldn't not tell the boy. But she also couldn't tell him that it was with Quinn. But could she lie?

Thoughts failed her as Quinn's lips inched closer, her heart now pounding with hope and fear. The two emotions danced together in a wicked chant as pale cheeks moved just past Rachel's line of sight, and Quinn's lips landed so delicately against her cheek. The softest kiss Rachel had felt on her own skin. And then Quinn kissed her again, lower this time, closer to her neck; and after the longest minute Rachel had felt in her life, those pink soft lips landed directly on her neck, pecking the skin in a perfect way that made her stomach flip and her lungs collapse in on themselves. Her heart thudded into Quinn's own chest as the blonde lowered herself more, relaxing into Rachel, her body melting into the smaller girl's own and finding absolute comfort in them. "Do you think," Quinn whispered, finding Rachel's arm a perfect distraction from her words. "Do you think we'd ever be friends if this hadn't happened? Do you think we would have noticed each other past the bullying?"

The question caught Rachel off guard, and as she somewhat struggled to get a full breath of air with Quinn's weight slowly sinking in, she thought it over. "I don't…I'm not sure. I can't be certain. Why do you ask?" Carefully, her fingers ran through soft blonde locks, the dark encompassing the two allowing them to feel completely safe for once.

Quinn contemplated answering, wanting to mostly just fall asleep, however she felt a loyalty towards Rachel, and since the girl had answered her own question Quinn could only find it right to answer hers. "My mom…she only wanted to come and see me cheer after…" Quinn cleared her throat, fighting the tears yet again. "She only wanted to know me, only cared to even try after Frannie. That's why I had a panic attack in the truck. It took someone dying for my mom to care about me."

Rachel turned to flip the two on their sides, enjoying the air filling her lungs as Quinn avoided eye contact with her. She was happy that Quinn was talking, but she wished that it wasn't such a fight. "Your mother saw the repercussions of what would happen if she didn't even try to care, so obviously you mean something to her. If she saw what happened to…if she saw the result of her not trying, and then changed to fix it…then that can only mean she cares about you. She cares enough to not want to see you go through everything Frannie did. If she didn't, she wouldn't have tried." Keeping her voice as low and soft as possible, Rachel continued to run her fingers against Quinn's scalp, knowing how much the girl loved it. It was an almost involuntary action when she felt herself move forward and press a soft kiss to Quinn's forehead.

However she knew exactly what she was doing when her lips worked against Quinn's, the blonde kissing her only moments after the peck to her forehead. This time it wasn't goodbye. Rachel couldn't be sure what this kiss was but it wasn't goodbye. It was wonderful. Exciting. Heartbreaking. Quinn was kissing her and it broke Rachel's heart. It broke it in the most wonderful way possible.


	14. But Forget My Death

**A/N:** So...the chapter came earlier than I thought it would. I imagine this ending soon. How soon? I'm not sure.

* * *

Quinn was late to school the next day, which she was sure everyone thought would be about her father. In reality she simply couldn't find a thing that fit her at Rachel's that was at all flattering. And while Quinn never wanted to hurt Rachel's feelings, if she had come to school in one of Rachel's animal or argyle sweaters, the gossip would only sky rocket; something Quinn was not ready to handle. Not today when she already had a fire to put out.

The looks of pity and curiosity made her skin crawl. She hated being seen like this. She hated everyone knowing her life, it wasn't there's to know. It wasn't any of their business.

With a small huff, Quinn began to enter in the combination to her locker, only stopping at the sound of her name.

Sam Evans walked happily by, flashing a typical bright smile and continued on his way. She smiled to his back, happy that someone understood that walking on eggshells right now was not anything she needed. And as if only the Glee Club members could hear her, Santana walked up with a scowl plastered on her face. "Next time you wanna go all depressed and in your scary dark place give a girl a warning. While _you've_ been off doing God knows what with Yentl, _I've_ been covering for your ass every day and come to find out that all my excuses were so far off base that Coach Sue now wants me to coach the freshie freaks."

A small faint smile barely made it up to Quinn's face as she heard the actual message in Santana's angry rant. "Thank you," she whispered, watching the girl storm off with a whatever.

Shaking her head Quinn focused back on her locker, grabbing a few of her books out before heading to her class. Rounding a corner she ran right into her knight, and a true smile graced her features. "Rachel."

"Quinn, I wasn't expecting you today, I mean I was hoping obviously but after dropping you off I was afraid that maybe your parents had...I was just afraid." Rachel began to mumble off, her eyes darting to the tiles. She cursed herself for her rambling, but Quinn could only smile and shake her head at the brunette.

"I didn't run into anyone, mom was probably still sleeping and dad wasn't there," she shrugged, feeling more at home with herself than she had even before sophomore year began. "I have to," she pointed past Rachel to her class, effectively breaking Rachel out of her small faux pas.

"Right, I was just on my way to print something for glee club, but ill see you soon!" Exchanging happy smiles the two went their separate ways, Quinn blushing as Rachel caught her looking back to get one last gaze before the diva left.

As the late bell rang Quinn sat elegantly in her seat, ignoring the students around her for as long as she could. Today was not going to be a bad day, her father had done enough in her life to kill every good thing she had, and she would not let him be the cause of her horrible day. However it was being proven difficult as the teacher stopped by her desk to give his condolences. As if he even really knew Quinn at all. As if any of these students knew what she was going through.

"Hey," Sam's voice called as he swiftly took the seat next to her. "What's up?"

_'We share a class'_ Quinn thought surprised, but nonetheless smiling at his bright eyes. "Hey, nothing, mostly trying to ignore that everyone is staring at me like I have a giant bruise on my face."

Sympathy was written all over Sam's face, but he turned in his seat with a lopsided grin and shrugged. "It ends eventually, mostly when some bigger news comes out and then that's the new tragic small town story. Do you have a pencil?"

Quinn stared at Sam with an amused look of confusion, handing him a spare pencil. "So all I have to do is cook up some drama?" She could almost laugh hysterically at how easy that used to be. But now she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to hurt people the way she used to. Not after seeing the consequences.

"Well you don't have to cook it up; you just gotta wait it out until it happens."

Could she possibly be able to do that? With the way everyone was treating her, Quinn was quite certain that she would snap just by sitting still today. With the looks and the whispers. Every time she caught someone just glancing her way their expression flashed from pity to fear and they'd turn to the front. As if they were all waiting for her to snap. Little did they know she already had, and she didn't even make a scene.

But she could try, and if things didn't change soon maybe she could switch schools, or get a haircut. Change herself so no one would recognize her. Running away always had been easier, Quinn thought with a small sarcastic laugh.

When Glee came around Quinn found herself actually kind of excited for it. She didn't have to go in with the fear of the looks that she'd been getting from complete strangers. She knew she wouldn't have to because now that it was out there, no one in Glee was treating her any differently. They passed her in the halls and said their hellos, but they smiled the smiles they would before all of this. Puck gave her a wink and even made sure he got caught looking at her ass, Brittany waved to her enthusiastically as Santana only rolled her eyes, and even Mercedes gave her a "hey, girl". It was all so normal and Quinn could not be more grateful.

But when she finally reached the choir doors she saw a notice taped to them.

GLEE REHEARSAL HELD OUTSIDE ON FIELDS.

Her brow quirked at the message, however she began to think nothing of it considering today was quite possibly one of the few warmer days Ohio would see in a long while. Or maybe it was some new exercise Mr. Schue was working on. Besides, it wasn't like Quinn couldn't use the fresh air, quickly finding the halls suffocating with the looks being given to her.

As her feet found their way onto the field, her eyes failed to comprehend what was before her. Next to the bleachers, hooked up by an orange extension cord, was the Cheerio's slushie machine. And out on the field sat the football teams practice equipment, as if they were holding tryouts for today; and just off the sidelines stood the Glee Club themselves, each one grasping a sweating cup of slush. "What's, going on here?" Quinn asked cautiously as she made her way towards the group. She was almost afraid that everyone had only been nice to her for this moment right here. She was going to be getting slushied by each and every one of them for every terrible thing that she had done.

Mr. Schuester made his way to the blonde, handing her a pair of goggles. "The team thought that it'd be nice to take a break and get out some frustrations that may still be residing in us from last year." Quinn's pale fingers grasped the pair of goggles with a confused scowl, her worst nightmares seeming to come true.

"I don't understand," Her head shook in both fear and hurt as her eyes stayed glue to the goggles, not wanting to look the club in the face as they did the inevitable. However to her surprise she saw large oafish feet make their way up to her, and when Finn's obvious hand grabbed the plastic pair of goggles, he carefully dressed Quinn in them.

"We thought maybe you'd want a distraction from everything. And there's nothing more distracting than a pile of slush slapping you in the face." The boy smiled a shy lop-sided smile, one that expressed a silent apology only he and Quinn knew. Quinn wanted to smile, she really did, but there was something missing. Someone.

"Where's Rachel?"

"She ran off to the art room to get us all smocks. Apparently the dye is really hard to get out of clothes." Quinn's eyes darted from the group back up to Finn, who stood there awkwardly as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, struggling with his apology. "Look…I didn't mean to-"

"I forgive you." She cut him off, saving what pride he had left in this situation.

Rachel's voice rang out from behind Quinn, and in a flash of a moment everything changed. Her smile was no longer faint but instead as bright as the sun. Life returned to her eyes and the entire Glee Club could see the life return into Quinn as if she'd just been resurrected right before them. "It took some bargaining, however I was able to get enough smocks to cover us all, so long as they are returned washed. So I request everyone pile them all by my bookbag when we're finished as I feel I am more equipped to deal with the stains that are bound to appear at the end of today."

It took the brunette a moment to realize that Quinn had been staring at her the entire time she spoke, and when their gaze met she swore she lost her breathe more than once before finally being able to speak. "Hello, Quinn."

"Hi." Quinn replied stupidly.

The group began to disperse on different ends of the field, breaking off into teams. Quinn having snagged Rachel the moment the rules were explained; one hit and you were out, no physical contact was allowed, and everyone must keep their mask on or they'd be removed from the game. Easy enough rules that Quinn could definitely follow. And as the whistle blew out loudly, Quinn was very much aware as to why the football gear was sitting out. It created a wonderful obstacle course that gave the game the feel of paintball minus the welts.

Screaming surrounded the blonde as everyone ran for their life, Rachel clearly having one single target. Her eyes were dead set on Puck, who was far too distracted with getting a wonderful shot at Mercedes.

It was the first time Quinn truly felt herself letting go of every bad feeling and just having fun. Her eyes scanning the field until she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning she found Sam give her a smile and a nod, eyes darting to tell her to look to their right. Sure enough Santana and Brittany were rounding a blocking dummy to dump slush right on top of Puck's now bald head. He hung it low as if in shame before making his way off the field with a hand raised in the air.

A wide smile spread across Quinn's features as she watched his walk of shame, and then it all vanished as Rachel ran right past her with a squeal. Sam moved to the other side of Quinn, looking straight ahead, seeing Finn dashing to hide behind a blocking dummy. "You should thank Rachel by the way, this was her idea. She said she'd take one for the team and destroy a perfectly fine outfit if it meant making you feel better. The football field was mine and Finn's idea." He rushed out before making a mad dash to pelt Finn with a face full of slush.

Quinn didn't bother to watch the oaf walk off the field, but instead turned to find Rachel hiding low to the ground. The two didn't need any words any longer, and Quinn didn't care who on Glee saw them at this point. Sam was right, she did need to thank Rachel, but for so much more than anyone could ever realize.

Lowering herself to sit on the grass beside Rachel, Quinn cupped the side of Rachel's face, leaning in to leave a soft peck on her lips. However it seemed their goggles were a tad too big for their faces, as they clanked together before their lips could meet. Quinn ripped hers off and pulled Rachel into a giggling kiss just as Kurt made his way up to them and poured his cup over their heads, only realizing what he saw after Quinn was covered in a faint shade of red liquid.

Panic traced over Rachel's face, expecting the blonde to start shouting at the boy for interrupting the two. But to everyone's surprise she only threw her head back in laughter, falling to lay on the grass in pure joy. She didn't have a care in the world, and the ice cold slush racing down her cheeks, and no doubt over her clothing, was more refreshing than anything Quinn could think of at the moment. It was heaven. A break from her horrible reality. And it was all because of Rachel. Her perfect knight in shining glistening slush.


	15. I Love You So Much

**A/N:** Apparently I'm more determined to finish this fic than I originally thought. I imagine 2-4 more chapters left.

* * *

Rachel's car stopped outside of the Fabray house, Quinn needing to have gone home eventually. She didn't want to, but Rachel had insisted, and after all she'd done for her how could Quinn refuse? How would the girl ever refuse Rachel after today, after every day that she had been there for the blonde without question or hesitation? The answer was she wouldn't. She would forever be Rachel Berry's slave and there was oddly comfort in that thought. Because it meant that Rachel wasn't going anywhere. That they'd spend all their time together and they wouldn't part just because Quinn was no longer this emotional wreck.

Worried hazel eyes turned behind her, having taken her time to climb out of the car and make her way up the steps to her front door. It felt like the day she came home after being kicked out, Judy had walked ahead of her and stepped inside like nothing had changed; like she hadn't abandoned her daughter and let her husband throw her out like trash. Only now Quinn was older, and wiser, and she wasn't going to let her father push her around. She'd fight him every step of the way if she had to.

For a moment she found herself about to knock, forgetting she was no longer rejected and actually welcome here (at least last time she checked she was).

The door felt oddly heavy today, weighing with fear and torment. She was terrified of what she'd find inside and she hadn't a clue why. She knew herself, she knew she was going to fight. But what if she didn't? What if she wasn't strong enough to stand up this time? What role models did she have to show her how to be strong?

Rachel. She had Rachel. She would look back at all the times the girl had been shoved around and bullied and how the girl would only fight off the tears and come back with a vengeance, smiling as she walked down the halls as if nothing happened. Rachel was strong, and Quinn could be too.

"Mom," Quinn called out, stepping into the living room and shutting the door behind her. The Berry's car still sat idle in her driveway, creating comfort in her as she moved to search the house. It felt like no one had lived here in years, as if it was abandoned and forgotten. But when Quinn moved into the kitchen she saw her mother doing the dishes, and she could hear the older woman sniffling lightly as she worked. "Mom?" Quinn called again, stepping in closer to get a better look at her mother.

She regretted it.

Quinn Fabray regretted ever leaving home, ever avoiding the house. She had never felt a fury boil inside her than she did right now, gazing up at her mother's black eye.

Instinct came over her, and she shut off the water before pulling her mother to a seat in the dining room. Neither spoke, Judy could barely look at her daughter as she raced to take care of her; it only made the fact that she failed so horribly taking care of Quinn all the more real. Not that that was anywhere near the blondes thoughts right now. Mostly she thought about killing Russell, finding him and beating him down with a shovel, or perhaps a gold bible. Or maybe a large cross. Something religious just for the hilarity. "I've already iced it," her mother finally said, still avoiding any eye-contact with her youngest. Her only.

"You should keep it on," Quinn mumbled placing a cloth covered bag of ice over the purple eye. "Where is he?"

"Gone."

The word surprised Quinn, and Judy saw it. She saw how her daughter froze, as if time itself froze around her. "Gone where?"

"The neighbors called the cops."

"Oh,"

An awkwardness came over the two, the emptiness of the house practically screaming at them. It was silent and loud all at once, everything that needed to be said but both refused to say aloud ringing throughout the house. They didn't know how to communicate anymore, this wasn't anything knew. It was a slow process that finally reached the point of no return. Quinn doubted she'd ever have a mother like others would, and Judy felt as if she had now lost both of her daughters.

The thought alone broke her.

A loud sob rang out with the silent screaming, and Quinn looked to her mother confused. "What? Did I hurt you? Is something broken?"

"I never meant to hurt you, Quinnie," Judy whispered, holding the bag of ice herself, finally looking to her daughter; her gorgeous beautiful daughter that finally seemed to be growing into a real person. "I never…I never want to feel this way again. I can't lose anymore."

Slowly Quinn knelt before her mother, placing bother her palms on the woman's knees. She didn't know what to say. How could anyone find words at a time like this? Seeing her mother beaten and bruised and feeling like it herself? Tears threatened to fall as their gazes began to become too much for Quinn. Her eyes darted away as she sighed and thought long and hard for something to say. But all she could come up with was, "I know." And the silence fell over them once again. Each of them with so many questions and confessions to say but struggling to find the words. This wasn't a family that spoke well. They were wonderful at pretending, but when it came to real emotions, the Fabray's simply didn't know how to manage them.

"I know I haven't been the best mom in the world, I know that…but Quinnie, I'm trying. Maybe not hard enough but I'll try harder. I was trying when I asked about your game, I was trying to build our bridge again because I didn't want to lose all I had left."

"I kissed a girl," Quinn blurted before her mother could continue to give her the pleas of a relationship. "I don't want you to build your bridge only to burn it again after you find out," the blonde further explained. "So, I kissed a girl. Well, I've _been_ kissing a girl. A wonderful girl."

Judy watched her daughter smile for the first time in a month. She saw light in her daughter's eyes; she could practically feel the warmth that whoever Quinn spoke about gave her. And she could really use that kind of warmth now-a-days. But she couldn't speak. Not because she was angry or disappointed, but because she simply didn't have words. There wasn't a guidebook on how to handle your daughter coming out, if that was even what this was. "So, are you gay?"

Quinn took her lip between her teeth, the question far more loaded than she could have imagined. "How about we cross that bridge when we get to it?" She answered.

Judy nodded, still unsure of what to say, or how to act. She didn't want to do something wrong, but she didn't know what was considered 'right' in this situation. "Do I know the girl?"

A relieved almost manic chuckle escaped Quinn as she ran her fingers through her hair and turned to the side, unable to face the woman that gave birth to her. "She's…the girl that stole my boyfriend."

"And you like her?"

"Yes. Very much."

"And she likes you?"

"I…yes? I haven't directly asked, but she kisses me back. And she's been there when no one else was." The unintentional jab caused both women to flinch slightly, though their gazes met with an understanding. "She's good. She's…she's the best person I know." Quinn answered as honestly as she could, tears finally beginning to fall down her face. And not because she felt grief or guilt, but because the mere thought of Rachel Berry feeling for her the way Quinn felt was quite possibly the most pure emotion the blonde had felt before. The most terrifying and the most fulfilling.

"Would she like to come over for dinner?"

Quinn's eyes found Judy's and she only saw a genuine question. It wasn't a trick or judgmental or anything that Quinn would have expected just a year ago. Judy Fabray truly wanted to meet the girl that had made life so much more bearable for her daughter. She wanted to know Rachel because she wanted to know her own daughter, and Rachel had so easily and so quickly become a part of Quinn's life. "Yeah," Quinn's voice cracked with a scoff of a laugh as she nodded and averted her gaze to the floor. "Yeah, she'd like that very much."


	16. Don't You Ever Stop Shining

Quinn must have dabbed at the tender skin surrounding her mother's eye a million and one times before the older woman felt satisfied. Even with Russell gone she still was so fearful of her image. Granted Quinn understood how embarrassed Judy must feel, being battered emotionally and now for the first time physically. Russell's temper had been something both women feared, but he'd never taken it to the level he had the past few days. And somehow it didn't surprise either of them that it had gotten to that point. "Are you sure you can't see it? Don't you think it looks a little…odd? Does it match my skin tone?" Judy rambled, poking at the delicate skin as she stared into the mirror. She didn't want her first impression to Quinn's….whatever she was, to be a battered woman. She wanted to do what a parent should do; intimidate the hell out of her so Rachel would never hurt her little girl. Ever.

"It looks fine, and it'll stay that way if you'd just stop poking at it." Quinn scolded, lightly slapping her mother's hand away from her face. A part of her was terrified for tonight, and the other part of her danced on her father's future grave at the thought of her bringing a girl home. For once she didn't feel stuck, locked up behind God's rules that Russell had laid down. She could be who she wanted and show her family who she was proudly.

Not that Quinn knew who she was exactly, but then Quinn would get to show her mom that for once, she wasn't trying to be anyone. She was figuring it all out for herself instead of fighting to be what those around her expected her to be. She was finding herself for the first time.

"When will Rachel be over?"

"I told her to come over by six, but knowing her she'll be here about five-fifty."

"Nothing wrong with punctuality." Judy spoke as she stood form her vanity, smoothing down her dress. It was flashier than needed, but old habits die hard. The woman was so used to entertaining rich guests from high places that it only seemed right she wear something like the cocktail dress she wore now.

Quinn had found common ground between elegant and comfortable, a simple white dress that reached to her knees. She hadn't done anything to her hair; just let it fall wherever it pleased while her mother poked at her own tightly wound and perfectly shaped bun. "It's not so much punctuality as it is her being a nervous wreck." Quinn giggled, swatting her mother's hand away from her face once more.

"Even better," Judy replied with a bright smile, just barely wincing at the pain in her cheek. "Now I won't have to work as hard to be intimidating. I'm not sure I'm fit to play both doting mother and stern father."

With a shake of her head, Quinn left the comment alone, leaving her mother's room to wait for Rachel. The closer time came for the girl to be here the more excited Quinn became. It was written all over her face that this meeting meant something to her, that it was more than just showing her mother the girl that had been steadily taking her heart all these weeks. It was about not feeling bad about being free. It was about not being afraid to be who she really was in front of the people she cared about most. It was about living for the first time in such a long time.

The buzzer on the oven went off just as the doorbell rang, and both of the Fabray's moved for the door. Each of them stopped and stared at each other, Quinn's brow furrowing in confusion while Judy's rose expectantly. Quinn moved back to the kitchen, looking over her shoulder multiple times as she waited for her mom to open the door already. Of course she didn't until Quinn was out of sight.

With her best effort, Judy opened the door without a giggle, and instead put a formal smile on her face as Rachel came into view.

Oddly the woman pictured a much taller, much more butch version of the Rachel Berry that stood in front of her. Where the white and pink dress was, Judy expected a silk long sleeved purple button up shirt and black tie, and jeans covering Rachel's actual bare legs. "Hello," Rachel's voice nearly sang out with a small quiver.

Again, Judy was surprised at how feminine her voice sounded. "Good evening, Rachel," Judy spoke with a smile, stepping aside for Rachel to come in. "Quinn's taking dinner out of the oven, she told me you're vegan?"

Rachel looked around the house in wonder, finally turning and nodding with a shy smile towards the older woman. "Yes, ma'am, I hope that my diet didn't put you out any, I know Lima isn't exactly privy to vegan meals."

Judy simply waved the comment off; amused by the formal way Rachel spoke. "Nonsense, it was fun learning how to cook something new." With a simple nod of her head, Judy began to walk towards the kitchen, seeing a frantic Quinn setting the table. It was good to see the nerves finally start to kick in, it showed Judy she had a normal teenage daughter. "Your-" Judy stopped herself before continuing, not wanting to insult whatever relationship the two actually shared. "Rachel's here."

What was so hilarious was the way Judy said it, it was exactly what their relationship was. Rachel was Quinn's, in every sense of the word. She was hers, and Quinn was Rachel's. Devoted to each other without any kind of label that glued them to a society that seemed to lust after classifications.

Immediately Quinn's face grew from uneasy to utterly content as Rachel stepped in closer, her hand holding the top of her arm in a nervous stance. "Hello, Quinn."

"Hi, I'm about to put dinner on the plates so go ahead and sit." The two looked at each other as if Judy had left the room, something that amused to mother.

It all seemed perfectly normal. Dinner was placed, the three sat in their seats in what Rachel considered a far too large dining room, and Judy Fabray was making easy conversation. It wasn't until the elephant in the room became much too large for all three of them. Silence encompassed the three and conversations seemed to cease after a few moments.

Judy picked at her lasagna, made out of only vegan friendly products specifically for Rachel. She hadn't thought she'd like it as much as she did, and if she hadn't already commented on the food, she would have brought the fact up again.

When the tension seemed to reach a peak, Judy took a sip of water and set it back down gracefully, looking to Rachel as the girl kept her eyes to her plate. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you?"

Quinn's fork clattered to her plate in disbelief, her mouth hung open wide as she stared to her mother. "_Mom_!"

Judy only shrugged before turning back to Rachel, waiting for her answer. She hadn't seen anything wrong with the question at all. She didn't know anything about the two's relationship, and it seemed as if Quinn knew about as much as herself. It was necessary that these questions were asked if Quinn wouldn't do so herself.

"I'm guessing you're referring to my sexuality and not my astronomical sign?" Rachel partially teased, a nervous smile gracing her features. "Well, I don't really have a label that I specifically assigned myself, but if I had to place one I'd probably say bisexual." She answered with a firm nod, placing a forkful of lasagna in her mouth.

"And you have gay dads too?"

"Yes."

"Is that normal?"

Once again the room grew silent, Quinn utterly mortified, Judy genuinely curious, and Rachel completely thrown off by the question. "Is what normal?" She asked carefully.

"Well, for two gays to raise a gay child? I've heard that it was true, but I figure you would be the best person to ask, having lived that life."

If it hadn't been for the innocence plastered on Judy's face, Rachel would have began to take offense to her questions. As if she was the spokesperson for all children of gay parents. However, she could blatantly see the curiosity, as well as hear it in the woman's voice. Quinn however only slunk in her seat, covering her face with her hand. "No, not really. It's not as if LGBT people are contagious and spread their love lives to those they are closest to. It's actually a common misconception. Someone could be born gay and be a part of any family, for instance, Quinn was born into a very heavy catholic belief system, yes?"

Judy nodded.

Quinn died.

"And yet even with those beliefs she has kissed me on more than one occasion. It's just something that one is born with; there is no specific source of it all. The source is birth."

Judy's arms came up to rest on the table, her head leaning in further as she found herself interested in what Rachel was saying. It was also surprising to find the girl so well spoken. Judy had never seen a child speak so professionally. "Interesting. And what about attire?"

"Attire?"

"Mom, please for the love of God, stop talking."

"Quinnie, I'm just curious. I've never gotten to ask these questions, and if this is the life you're going to have I want to know as much as I can." She turned her attention back to Rachel, continuing her question from before. "I mean, and I don't mean this as an insult to you, but I assumed you be more…well I wasn't exactly expecting you in such a pretty dress with such long hair."

Rachel couldn't stop the laughter that escaped her, finding it completely amusing that the mother of the girl that insulted Rachel with pokes at how masculine her features were was now telling her she looked like a girl. "It's different with different people. Quinn's still as girly as she was when she was little I'm assuming. Some girl's like different things. We're not all lumped into one group like we're outside of the human race. There are boys that wear polo shirts and boys that wear white-beaters. And not all girls that wear flannel and have pixie hair-cuts are lesbians or bisexuals either. It's a matter of preference."

The rest of dinner went on exactly the same, Judy asking questions and Rachel answering them politely. It amazed the brunette how Judy only knew the stereotypes, as if she'd never gone outside the real world before. Of course, she could only assume that Quinn's father had warped their mindset of religion into the most atrocious version that seemed to be spreading around America these days. The judgmental ways that spread across world-wide.

There was one question that Rachel couldn't answer, and it broke her heart. Judy had asked it so sweetly, she hadn't meant anything by it and yet the two girls that sat before her seemed to be hurt by it all. All she wanted to know was what she should call them for future reference. If they were just friends that were figuring it all out, Judy was completely open to it, if they were girlfriends then she would be fine. It would take adjusting her beliefs of course, but she would live. She loved her daughter and refused to lose her because of the same mistake she made when Quinn was younger and much more vulnerable.

"I suppose the only word that fits us at the moment is friend," Rachel answered solemnly, fork playing with her food once again.

"Best friends." Quinn corrected, Rachel's brown eyes met hers and the emotion behind them was unreadable. Was this all Quinn wanted to be?

"Best friends."

"And the kissing?"

Again the girls went quiet, Quinn shoving the scraps of her food around as she felt her chest ache. Rachel was still technically dating Finn, they were lucky that no one was talking about their kiss on the field. And even more lucky that Finn hadn't seen it himself. "Complicated." Rachel answered a smile that was more forced reaching her lips this time. Judy nodded, looking between the two with confusion as she slowly stood from her spot.

"Well, I hope it becomes uncomplicated soon, I would love the excuse to expand my cooking more often."


	17. And Don't Ever Be Afraid Of Saying Hello

Quinn Fabray walked the halls of McKinley with a true smile on her face. It was nothing special, nothing that seemed particularly out of the ordinary. Except that Quinn Fabray was smiling. One that held a shine that could rival the sun. Her teeth weren't showing, it wasn't over-exaggerated but it wasn't hidden either.

She walked past people at their lockers, some gawking others confused. After everything they had found out, why was she smiling? Who could smile after something so tragic? After something so horrible?

Quinn could.

Quinn could smile and there was only one person to thank for that. Only one person she would ever be able to thank. The single one person that was there without question; without hesitation.

Whether they would work out or not didn't seem to matter to the blonde right now, having Rachel in any sense was enough today. Knowing that Rachel existed in her world, on her radar, and in her heart was well beyond what Quinn could ever imagine. Ever predict. After years of convincing herself the brunette was a low being that deserved the torment handed to her, Quinn finally saw the light. She finally saw Rachel. Rachel as she was in her best state, her most powerful realm.

"Quinn," The brunette nearly sang, closing her locker door as she hugged the notebooks to her chest. Her feet scuffled slightly, wanting to move forward to hug the blonde, but wanting to stay put and just look at her. Not because of her beauty but because of her smile.

That wonderful smile that Rachel had slowly started to notice peak its way out more and more often.

Had she done that?

"You're not wearing your uniform?" She asked suddenly, finally noticing the lack of red and white in Quinn's clothes. Instead it was replaced with an elegant yellow and calming green of a perfectly beautiful dress. It really brought out her eyes. Her eyes that were sparkling with life.

This was the Quinn Rachel knew was hidden so deep inside the blonde. This lively being before her that was practically exuding sunshine herself. This was the Quinn that had been stolen away at the beginning of the year.

It had taken time of course, and after the dinner with her mother Rachel noticed a sever lack of communication between the two. Which was rather horrible given that she had decided to break things off with Finn a few days after that dinner. If Rachel wanted a shot with Quinn, she'd have to put herself out there, and if she got hurt, then she'd learn. Love was about losing and learning and joy. And Quinn Fabray gave Rachel more joy than she thought possible given the circumstances they were almost constantly under.

Surprisingly, while Rachel distanced herself from Finn, she noticed a bond grow between Sam and Quinn. It was good. Sam was good. Though, that didn't make Rachel feel any less jealous when she saw the two linger behind in Glee Club to talk, or sit next to each other at lunch.

"I quit."

"You what?"

"I quit the Cheerio's."

Rachel's mouth opened and closed multiple times before Quinn let the diva's expressions speak for themselves. It was pretty clear, the confusion, but watching Rachel fumble over herself was too…well adorable to pass up.

With a long inhale, Quinn prepared herself to explain, knowing it would take a certain amount of vulnerability. "You taught me that I didn't need them. That I didn't need my armor and shield. You showed me I was strong enough. You proved to myself that I was strong enough." Her words were spoken softly, a light rasp to her explanation. It was as raw as Rachel had seen Quinn. Well, as raw she she'd seen Quinn be with her intentionally.

Rachel could only grin. And then smile. And then beam as she let out a happy giggle and encompassed Quinn in her arms, struggling to keep her notebooks in her hands. "You're so much more than you know, Quinn. I'm so proud of who you are."

The two stayed in place, enjoying the warmth the other gave off. The heat, the emotion, the love. Whether romantic or not it was clear to anyone with eyes that the two girls cared deeply for one another.

It was what kept Sam from moving forward with Quinn. When he was looking at her, he saw Quinn looking at Rachel. It wasn't exactly rocket science to figure out, unless you were Rachel and Quinn apparently. "I want to take you somewhere today," Quinn said, moving out of the hug but allowing her hand to catch Rachel's. Rumors be damned, she'd already gone to hell and back. More than once might she add. At this point, Quinn wasn't going to be discouraged by what people think of her anymore. Seeing her mother react the way she had helped her in this decision, as did Sam.

"Somewhere like where?"

"To meet someone." It was as vague as Quinn could be in Rachel's memory. However lately the blonde hadn't lead the girl astray, there weren't any alarms going off, and Rachel trusted Quinn more now than ever before. And really, who could deny those eyes? Who could deny Quinn anything?

Rachel nodded a slow nod, her smile fading to a small grin.

IOIOI

The sun heated Rachel's legs as she sat in Quinn's car, being driven to God knows where. Quinn still hadn't disposed that information, and for a moment she was a little bit afraid of where it could be. Rachel Berry was not one to be unprepared, and what if she were completely unprepared? What if Quinn was taking her to a small performance center? Rachel hadn't properly warmed up today!

However when the car stopped in the very small parking lot (one covered in dirt rather than pavement), Rachel knew where they were going.

It oddly made her heart pound, as if she were meeting some higher being herself. But the feeling of Quinn's fingers sliding through her own brought things back to reality. Back into focus. This was for Quinn, she just needed someone with her. Someone that knew her true strength.

Rachel tightened her grip in Quinn's hand, looking up at her while the blonde kept her honey gaze forward. White teeth chewed at a bottom lip in worry and fear. This wasn't supposed to be so scary, and yet Quinn was finding herself wanting nothing more than to run away. Just turn back around and get in the car and drive. Drive anywhere. Anywhere that wasn't Lima, Ohio.

The pain this town held for her was something she'd be more than happy to get far, far away from. But Rachel was here. Rachel had her hand. Rachel was here and with her Quinn could be as strong as anyone else. She could be a good person. A good sister. She could do this. She could say hello, and she could say goodbye. Not for the last time, never for the last time. Quinn would visit often, she owed Frannie that much.

Both girls stopped just a few feet from the headstone that had Franie's name engraved on it. Francis Anne Fabray.

Tears began to fall and Quinn hadn't even gotten all the way there yet. Her gaze shifted p to the sky as her lids shut tight against themselves. For a moment she thought she might draw blood from biting her lip so hard.

But Rachel. Rachel was here. Rachel's fingers trailed so lightly over Quinn's pale skin, soothing it and coaxing the blonde to move forward. She could do this, Rachel knew it. Rachel believed in her. So she could do this.

With a few more tentative steps, Quinn knelt before the gravestone, and hesitated before sitting on her knees. Rachel followed suit, not once taking her eyes off of Quinn.

"Hi, Frannie," Quinn began. Her voice was weak, dry with fear and pain. Rachel had heard it many times in the past month. "This is Rachel. She's…she's really important to me. I mean, obviously otherwise I wouldn't have brought her here for the first time of me seeing you." The adorable rambling made Rachel's heart melt, and her body began to relax as she moved to sit closer to Quinn. "Anyways, I just…wanted to say hi. I don't think I've said hello since that disaster of a Christmas last year." A chuckle left pink lips, pink lips that had Rachel's full attention.

Silence overcame the three, Rachel could feel the uncertainty in the blonde, so she took it upon herself to encourage her to keep talking. By sounding insane herself. "You have a wonderful sister, Frannie. I'm sure you knew this already, and although I don't know your past all that well, I do know that she loves you very much. She's just been too prideful to show it. Trust me, I would know."

Quinn stared at Rachel in bewilderment. It was like she was talking to her fathers. Or to her good friend. Whoever that might be. Rachel talked to Frannie in a way Quinn never could, and the irony made her burst into an almost sadistic laughter. Not at Rachel, but at herself. A stranger could talk to Frannie better than she could. What did that say about Quinn? "She thinks she's a horrible person, but you and I both know that's not true," Rachel continued, moving one hand to loop through Quinn's arm, her palm taking hold of Quinn's bicep while the other stayed firmly in Quinn's own.

Brown eyes looked into Hazel ones, and found a pain that Quinn hadn't shown her before. A pain she'd been holding back. Until this moment. Until right now and it wasn't long before the girl collapsed and began to cry. She cried for Frannie, for the relationship with her sister she'd never get the chance to explore. She cried to let it all go. To let everything go. Permanently. She cried over everything she'd done to Rachel; everything she'd said in the past. She cried over her father abandoning her and her mother. She cried over the realization that she'd never really had a father. Not like other girls did.

And Rachel held her. Rachel was right there being strong for the girl that had been wore down to the bone from fighting this moment. She kept Quinn close, letting her feel and letting her be whatever she wanted. This was what mattered. Being there for her. They could put a label on themselves at a later date. Today…today Quinn just needed Rachel. The Rachel that she'd had for the past month. The Rachel that stuck by her during the pregnancy. The Rachel that saw her. The real Quinn Fabray. The one that had been hidden so well to anyone else but Rachel. That's what Quinn needed, and exactly what the girl gave her.

She'd give Quinn anything she wanted. For as long as she wanted.

It hit her then, what they'd be labeled as. They'd be Quinn and Rachel. Their relationship couldn't be identified because it had always been the same. Rachel there for Quinn in her time of need and Quinn there for her, though much more discretely. Their label? Knights in shining armor. It was as simple as that. Nothing had changed from the moment they met. Quinn was the same girl that Rachel always knew she was, and Rachel was the same support that Quinn always had. No matter how ignorant she had been to it before.


	18. Love, Frannie

**A/N**: This is technically the epilogue, but also the final chapter of this fic. I had a wonderful time writing this and am so happy that I was able to write a fic all the way to the end. It's been so great reading your reviews for this, and I love how much you all enjoyed this, I think you enjoyed it more than I did writing it! As of right now, I am not sure if I will be working on a project that I just thought of, or returning to old works that have yet to be finished (namely Anything for Glee) But whatever it is I hope that I see your wonderful reviews there as well! Enjoy!

* * *

"This feels entirely ill-timed," Rachel mumbled against Quinn's lips feeling the blonde press her further into the wall. And all she got in return was a groan from Quinn. Those perfect white teeth took Rachel's bottom in her own and nipped lightly, a sly smile playing on Quinn's features as she heard the light gasp escape Rachel. The faint sounds of music and chatter could easily be heard in Quinn's room, but quite frankly, she didn't care. The party could wait, right now Quinn just wanted this moment. She took advantage of all moments. There wasn't a single one she didn't feel completely.

Her hands that were resting on Rachel's cheeks slid down her frame and stalled at her hips. Again, that playful smirk made an appearance, but now Rachel was far too distracted to notice it. Her eyes had shut fully due to Quinn's perfectly talented lips and before she knew it, her body was being lifted off the floor and onto Quinn's vanity.

A loud yelp screeched throughout Quinn's room, but no one would hear it. Not unless their ears were pressed against the door.

Which had occurred to Quinn once or twice, Santana or Brittany getting far too curious. Or maybe even Rachel's dads wanting to ensure their daughter wasn't being 'de-flowered' at their second-daughters birthday party. Not that Quinn would do that. Rachel had laid down rules. No sex until she had her first Tony, that shouldn't be so hard.

Right?

Wrong.

At first it seemed a perfectly reasonable request, but as time went on Quinn was finding it nearly impossible to stop herself. They had been together officially for three months. Three. And already Quinn was losing her mind. Already she was acting like Finn. There was a time when Rachel once compared Quinn to Puck.

Rachel learned very quickly never to do that again.

"It's perfectly timed." Quinn finally answered, showing a few of her make-up kits to the side so Rachel could sit more comfortably, and Quinn could keep herself between toned legs. Legs that her hands were now running up and down. Legs that were going to get Quinn into serious trouble.

Rachel's own came to settled Quinn's roaming; she pulled back only to return and rest her forehead against Quinn's. "Do you need a break?"

It was the polite way of asking Quinn to calm down. The blonde began to understand Rachel code very well after their first month together. Others still struggled. "Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't trying-"

"I know, Quinn. You never do. I'm just-"

"Not ready."

Rachel nodded as she attempted to catch her breath, all the while smoothing down Quinn's blonde locks.

The gesture made Quinn smile. "Should we show our faces?"

"Do we have to?" The scowl Rachel sent Quinn was her answer, and with a long, much too exaggerated sigh, Quinn stepped back, keeping Rachel's hand in her own. "We could just hide up here. You know there's going to be at least one embarrassing childhood story, or someone's going to make a sex joke because we were gone so long. Santana will mention birthday sex. Really, it's probably better if we stay here." Quinn pulled back on Rachel's arm to pull her back into their own little bubble.

"The longer we stay, the more embarrassing it will be."

And that was the end of that.

Rachel turned back to the door and the two made their way back into the crowd of shouting and teasing. All in good fun, but all very much annoying. So what if Quinn wanted five minutes alone with her girlfriend? It was expected for a couple that had gone through what they had.

IOIOI

"Did you really have to cut a third piece?"

"Yes,"

"Ants are starting to gather."

"Then let them."

"This is weird. And that's coming from someone that talks to air."

"You don't talk to air, you talk to your sister. Now shut up and share your birthday with her." Rachel said firmly, leaning into the blonde as she bit a piece of cake herself. Quinn had to find a special recipe, but eventually Goggle came to her rescue, and showed her that vegan friendly cake did in fact exist.

"So I'm having a silent birthday?" Quinn's brow arched as she craned her neck to look at Rachel, a playful smile toying at her features. One that quickly turned into adoration as Rachel scowled back.

Quinn was happy. The real kind of happy.

The kind of happy that not even Finn Hudson could be angry at. He'd seen Quinn in too much pain already, and while he wasn't exactly thrilled that his two ex-girlfriends were dating each other, he saw Quinn happy. And that was enough for him. Not that that made the teasing at school any easier for him. But it was enough to keep him from getting too angry. Finn couldn't remember seeing the smile Quinn gave whenever Rachel was around, and should anyone get on his case, he'd just remind them of that fact. And that's all that mattered to him.

"I have one last present for you." Rachel said, ignoring Quinn's comment altogether.

She turned to rummage in the tote she had brought with them. And pulled out a small box wrapped with gold paper.

Quinn looked at it skeptically, taking her time to actually grab it. "What's this?"

"Open it."

"Not until you tell me what it is."

"You do realize that you'll find out the moment you open it?" Rachel huffed.

Uneasily, Quinn began to tear off the paper, and upon opening the box she saw a locket inside. A locket that opened and inside a picture of Frannie. "Where did you…?"

"Your mother."

Rachel allowed a moment of silence to pass the two before she moved to put the locket on Quinn's neck. "Now," she started, clasping the necklace and toying with it. "You can go wherever you want and still be able to talk to her. You can do anything and she'll be right there. So you don't have to worry about coming back here. I know you won't really want to once you get out." Brown sincere eyes met hazel ones, hazel ones that were about to fill with tears.

There weren't any words that Quinn could say to even begin expressing how she felt.

Actually, there was one. A single word.

Loved.

Quinn Fabray felt loved.

Truly and deeply loved by the last person anyone would have guessed.

It wasn't the locket that made Quinn so emotional, though that definitely played a part in it. But the simple fact that Rachel innately knew that Quinn would get out of here. The fact that Rachel knew this was something Quinn worried about without the blonde having ever mentioned it before. Rachel knew without a doubt that Quinn was getting out of Lima, and she gave her the only thing that would ever make it okay with Quinn.


End file.
